making sense of it

all around me are familiar faces
worn out places
worn out faces
bright and early for their daily races
going nowhere
going nowhere

it's the year's end and inspiration for reflection is all around. how do we make sense of the chaos of daily life? how do we find purpose in the small things, humor in the most unlikely of places, and the determination to make it through days doing chores that in the end really only result in a thought....an idea....just more data.... we forge through to find the "dream". we're searching for happiness but where have others found it? is it in your dreams? is it behind the couch? is it yet another idea or ideal held close to the heart?

we look for solace in relationships with others and through that within ourselves. but what happens when that person is no longer there? what happens when the shoulder you turned to is no where to be found? we're amazing creatures who change and adapt with our surroundings yet never seem to forget or forgive the past no matter how much we want to. so the question is, can you accept what has been and use it to create better things in the future? is that the dream or just a way to survive the passing days?

such questions and thoughts swirl through my brain and i answer some and leave others to ponder for another day. in the end, i know i choose to live life to the fullest i see fit and what works for me may not work for you. i hope that those who i love know it even if i don't say the words often enough. those who are no longer with me are always in my thoughts and the impact they've left will not be forgotten. this time of year is about love and hope......keep those things in your heart the whole year through and the days are more than bearable.....they're actually enjoyable.

~danban

my first official crash.....kind of.....

sunday i talked ryan into riding sleeping indian with myself, cynthia, coach bri, and melanie. this hill is one of two that have kicked my ass. this time i intended to bite back........little did i know i was in for an ass whoopin again! we start out from cindy's and it's too foggy to tackle the hill right away so we hit up the bike path and i blast away attempting to get my legs warm in the freezing ass morning air. i didn't actually realize i was going that fast until there was no one behind me and i figured i should tone it down a notch since my legs weren't actually warming up. i spun my way back down the bike path toward where we turned to get onto the route to sleeping indian and slowed my pace to re-group with the crew. at this point, my legs are warm but telling me that they are tired and that this may be a little more difficult of a ride than i thought.......ut oh!!

we head up sleeping indian and it begins......calf cramps.....oh goody!! so i make it up 3/4 of the first hill and have to stop cause i'm in serious pain. massaged the legs out for a moment and muscle on! up the hill i go again except i'm almost to the top when my front wheel hits the side of the curb, my right foot is unclipped, and i'm falling to the left......SHIT!! i somehow manage to maneuver myself up and around and over my bike so as not to actually land on it and end up banging the shit out of my legs (lots of insta bruises) and ripping the hell out of my tricep with my chain ring (no, a group of 4 scientists with a month couldn't figure out how the hell i managed all that)!!
i sprung up immedately since i didn't want to get hit by any car charging up the hill and struggle my way down to the driveway i'd left not too terribly long ago. first things first, i check my bike for any visible injuries........nothing springs to the eye so onto step two. check the wheels - are they spinning? NO! shit!! have to re-adjust the front and rear breaks and check the whells again - still problems! SHIT!! fuck it......get going up the hill again and make it to the very top (no, i'm not terribly bright apparently). i make it to the top and ryan's sitting on a rock waiting for my injured ass to tell him wtf i'd done and if we needed to call sag (cindy's husband).

ryan and i proceed to fix the front and back breaks and attempt to go on with the ride. two seconds after we start out again, i realize something is seriously wrong and rubbing on my front wheel. we climb back off the bikes and find that the front wheel is rubbing on the fork - BIG problem!! we re-adjust that and the front breaks yet again and my seat (cause it was seriously jacked up) and attempt to ride again. at this point my full borne stubbornness kicks in and i decide we're doing most of this fuckin ride cause i didn't go through the trouble of having my bike kick my ass and NOT get in a ride!! (sorry ryan!!) we hit some nice big rollers and i lost ryan a few times when his legs refused to go much further and eventually we turned around at mission and headed back. we got back to cindy's and i played ball with fletcher a bit before we headed out to get some food and laugh over the idiocy of the morning.

so, first official crash kind of........i mean it was more comical than most and less terrifying than a lot so i figure i got out pretty well unscathed all things considered!! i was mostly just bummed that i'd fucked with my bike and that i didn't actually get to ride with coach brian at all during the course of the morning. the good news is Eneko is fine with some new bartape and that i'm pretty well unscathed all things considered :0)

~danban