at a bar at 6am.....

went with the girls at work today to a bar method class and it was.......interesting!  i felt like a flailing idiot and it seemed like the instructor was saying my name to correct things every other minute!  i did get in a lot of good stretching and left the class sweating so all in all it was good!  my legs during the thigh exercises were completely shaking and i had to take mini breaks or i would've just flopped over!  seriously hilarious way to work out!!  i'm willing to give it another shot to see if i can feel less like an oaf and if not, i'll start the boxing/kickboxing as a substitute!

yes, i know the pic is of zumba but the general feeling is completely the same!

we now have til October to work on our general fitness and changing our shapes.  i'm excited about this month as i know we'll get to the gym more and on the bike more and just generally more active!  i wish it were a tiny bit cooler so we could get the boys out but it's too brutal for them to leave the house for very long as they have massive fur coats!

thanks to inspirating words from a good friend (thanks KBE!!), i feel a change in the attitude i wrote about last. it was a little frustrating of a weekend at times fitness wise as with 5 women all attempting to figure out a plan doesn't tend to lead toward fitness but rather staying up til 3-4am chatting.  it was great to catch up with the girls but i now have a bigger fire lit under my arse and motivation is climbing higher and higher!

it also helps that there are fitness minded girls at work that help with getting out for walks during lunch and are willing to meet up at 6 - 6:30 to get in some sort of workout class.  slowly but surely, things are turning around for the best.  i'm excited to see how well we can do throughout the next month!!

more progress soon!
~danban

struggling

i know that we're doing this weight loss, diet, exercise thing in the smartest of possible ways yet i can't help but feel down about the lack of results occasionally.  unfortunately today is one of those days.  my bad mood was immediately caused by someone mentioning to someone else that they've lost weight and look good.  i'm sitting in the same room.  i've been trying my hardest to lose weight yet it obviously doesn't seem to show the same results and i go unnoticed yet again.  i can't help but get upset.  makes me feel so seriously large yet insignificant.  yet i know there's no way i could do the same things that she did to lose the weight.  no marathon training and cleanses are in my future.  instead just a focus on eating healthy, getting in our workouts, getting in as many walks as possible, and it just doesn't seem to be doing anything at the moment. intellectually, i know that muscle weighs more thus the scale somewhat lies; however, that doesn't change that i feel like a beached whale especially today after hearing that said to someone else in front of me.  today, i feel defeated.  tomorrow, is another day and let's hope it's better than today.

it doesn't help that i'm headed on a trip with friends who are all much smaller than myself and we're giong wine tasting which doesn't fit into my diet.  i hate that this causes me stress and that i have to seriously stop and think about every damn thing that goes into my mouth.  this seems like such a sad way to live sometimes and hate that this is such a struggle for me.  i know that i'm going to need to get in a few workouts while there just to maintain the small amount of weight loss i've achieved so far.  which also saddens me cause i can't just relax with these people and enjoy myself.  my biggest fear is the pool and having to be in a baithing suit.  wish i could just look forward to this trip instead of viewing it with dread.

when we return from this last vacation before the DR trip, i think i'm going to start bringing my running shoes and go for jogs at lunch.  i know i'll be sweaty when i return from lunch but i already am when i return from our 2 mile walks.  i have to figure out something else to help kick start the weight loss.  that and more regular kickboxing classes i know will help.

intellectually, i know that this is a lengthy process and a life change more than just a fad diet or week long cleanse so i won't see results right away.  doesn't stop the fact that i'm frustrated and upset with myself for not having achieved more fitness wise.  just a tough day today .....

~danban

keepin on

time for my weekly check in!

i tried on that beautiful dress i mentioned last night.  turns out that it's a size or two smaller than i originally thought it was so realize now that it may be a dress for a different weekend.  i'm ok with that though as i was much closer to being able to fit into it!  and i haven't yet weighed myself as i wanted to wait until friday so here's hoping the awareness of what i'm eating and drinking coupled with the increased exercise is getting me ever closer to my goals!

we are headed to a wedding this weekend and have already begun strategizing to ensure we don't go way overboard.  it is nice that our friends are doing a bike ride the day after instead of a brunch so that helps with our healthy kick!  i'm hoping we can get in some walks while there even though we won't be motivatd by needing to get the dogs out to their bathroom breaks.

i really do think that we're getting better in our thought process and changing our lifestyle instead of just a trendy diet!  i'm excited and nervous about friday but no matter what, i'm going to keep on this path as i know that our health is just too important to ignore any longer.

i'm seriously excited about this weekend and i'm intrigued to see what kinds of decisions we make in order to reach our goals!

all for now!
~danban

motivation........i gots it!

we're exactly 8 months and 1 day from "w" day and i am determined that i will be at least 50lbs lighter!  sometimes i feel like i've let my back issues be a crutch and excuse for why i haven't been able to get off my butt but NO MORE!  motivation is kicking down my door and i couldn't be happier about that!

i've been a roller coaster of emotions about weight and health in general for myself and Ryan.  i'm almost at the heaviest i've ever been and i'm embarrassed by it.  i'm not comfortable in my own clothes and i hate getting my picture taken.  we have a few months left until our engagement photos should be taken and damn it, i wanna look GOOD!  i read a blog today that describes a lot of what i've been thinking and feeling and i'm motivated also by the fact that the seemingly small changes and a decent exercise program on a daily basis will get us there.  it's NOT unattainable and i can get through at least 50 of the 60 i'd like to see gone for good!

so, time to come clean even though i hate this part.  the only way to hold myself accountable and to have others help with the journey is to just speak it out loud (or post on blog - whatever works!).
current weight: 193lbs
goal weight: 135lbs
current size: 16/18 pants, L/XL shirts
goal size: 8 pants, M shirts

i'm ready for no more double chin and chubby cheek pictures!  i'm ready to feel comfortable in clothes that aren't dark or black.  it's time to live in color and be comfortable in my own skin again.  i'm going to post before and after pictures but i think i'm gonna give myself a month or two to really be able to see the results.  i think a goal of 2 to 2 1/2lbs a week and 10lbs a month is not unreasonable and is a healthy way to achieve that goal.

tonight we're going to go full steam onward with the "you are your own gym" plan as well as long walks with the dogs.  we're getting swim stuff and going to swim and bike on the weekends for extra exercise.  starting in August, we'll add in at least one boxing class a week.  and the 2 mile walks with a friend during lunch are a huge help! NO EXCUSES!

i will update this blog at least once a week with progress and eventually the progress pictures too!
stay tuned....... :)

~danban

i am my own gym = ouch....in a good way

we started a new regimen this week and ouch!  we're working through a book called you are your own gym and the program seems simple but wow is it ever effective!  the plan is to work though that for a few weeks with rides or hikes or something on the weekends. then we'll begin to pepper in more regular boxing classes as we strengthen in the own gym workouts.  so far, we're doing well and going strong and the soreness isn't overwhelming as it has been with other exercise programs we've attempted.

i'm seriously finding my motivation again and am excited to see the results!  watch out Dominican Republic, we're gonna own that beach!  ok well maybe not own but at least not be as embarrassed to be seen in suits on the beach :)

more soon!
~danban

goal set!

we've set a small but reasonable goal for weight loss by the end of July :)  for me, we'll say 10-15lbs and to fit into this beautiful dress i bought forever ago that i WILL wear to the Craigan wedding July 28th!  i've been doing 2 mile walks at lunch with a colleague, we've been doing at least that at night with the boys, we're doing more beach crusing and will most likely graduate to our big kid bikes again soon, i'm going running on Wed, and we're going to a boxing or kickboxing class this week!  the goal IS attainable and i WILL meet it!

we'll just have to ensure that we don't go too crazy over the 4th of July weekend up in Paso and set ourselves back a notch or three as we tend to do on vacations.  i think we can get by with a little help from our friends (Benjamin?!?!)!!

hope you are all well out there!
~danban

with all the big stuff out of the way

it's time to really get down to focusing on exercise!  we've now got "The Dress" and the photographer all wrapped up which means fittings and engagement photos..........which means motivation to kick exercise up another notch!  don't want to look like a beached whale in the engagement pics or eventual wedding day pics!

so, we're going to go to bare minimum one boxing or kickboxing class a week, do at least two 2 mile evening walk with the dogs, attempt to get back on our bikes and if not we'll beach cruise, go hiking or walking on a trail on the weekends, play kinect until we're sweaty, and lots of other options we've got schemed up to get our butts back into shape!  And as an added bonus, a friend has been and will continue to do walks with me during lunch so that if nothing else, I get in a half hour up and down a hill during the day!

we've gotten better about bringing lunches instead of buying them and having some sort of breakfast whether it's a bar or a shake or something we've prepared for the week.  we're doing way better on dinners and starting to reign back the booze again.  overall, we're exercising more and going in a good direction with food so i'm optimistic that by the time we're supposed to go to DR for our friend's wedding, we'll be in the kind of shape where we won't mind being pictured!

all kinds of good stuffs going on :)
more soon!
~danban

well, that seems counter intuitive

i've been in PT for just over a month now and am frankly disappointed.  i'm doing the same stretches every day (no, not exercises but stretches).  i am willing to put in the time and do what i'm told; however, i'm not thrilled with the results or the re-eval i had on wednesday.  i was told that since they don't know what is causing my flare ups that i should stop exercising at all.  no long dog walks (if dog walks at all), no boxing, no hiking, no nothing.  ummmmmm, excuse me??  how am i supposed to get and stay healthy if i am not allowed to do any exercise at all??  plus you people told me that i would see improvements within the first three weeks and i'm still not seeing much of anything and you know that yet still put me in phase 2 with NO EXERCISE!!  WTF PEOPLE?!?!?!

to say i'm frustrated is an understatement to say the least!  we've been better and better on the paleo diet and are even going to make our own coconut flower tortillas this weekend and yet the one thing i'm lacking at the moment is the very thing that i'm not supposed to do at all.  are you kidding me?!  how the hell am i supposed to get fit and trim for my wedding gown if i have to sit at home and try not to move.  this seems ridiculous to me.  up til now i've been willing to do the whole process just as they recommend but this seems out of logical explanation other than they can't figure out how to fix it so it must somehow be something i'm doing.  hey guess what people, maybe the results from the ER were actually not BS!  how bout that??

i won't lie, a hike is going to happen with the boys this weekend.  i need the fresh air and i need the exercise to not become a completely depressed disaster of a woman.  there are things i'm willing to change and accommodate but to tell me that i can't even walk the dogs is ludicrous.

thanks for listning to the rant and know that it's just frustration at the situation.  obviously i have no control over when my back is going to freak the hell out and that definitely contributes.  i wish there was a magic fix it but unfortunately there isn't.  at least the diet is going well and ryan got great news that his cholesterol and blood pressure are down :)  in other great news, i bought "the shoes" so the wedding stuff is still moving along!  there are obviously going to be good days and bad and the frustration just stems from more bad than good on the fitness front.  the rest of life keeps lifing and we're still relatively healthy and very happy people.  it will be a good weekend and i'm excited for the sunshine to share with my boys.

hope you have a good weekend too!
~danban

very blah actually

i don't really have much to share these days.  i'm not seeing much in terms of weight loss with the diet and exercise.  that's hot helped by the fact that the exercise is minimal based off what i was told during PT = bummer.  back is still what it was from what i can tell so i just have to trust the professionals that are telling me what i'm doing is going to fix it.  it's frustrating quite frankly.  i wanted to be a few sizes smaller for when i try on wedding dresses cause i have a little less than a year and want to lose weight before the wedding but not at the last minute otherwise, the bill to have the dress taken in will be pricy.  i was planning on having some of that weight already off.  GRRRRR!!!!!!!!!  i'm still doing what i can when i can to get in some exercises like boxing and long walks with the dogs but that with the kale salads just isn't cutting it.  i think i need more options or medical opinions or motivation or something.

work still isn't helping the equation as it's super stressful with all the additional responsibilities and clients at the moment.  something has to change on that soon or i am seriously going to burn the hell out.  and the sitting all day at a computer for sure doesn't help.

anyway, enough ranting and venting.  know that i am still working on it even if the work is tough and the rewards are minimal at the moment.  guessing that really working more on the types of exercise will help.  more to come sooner rather than later.

~danban

the challenge

we finally booked a venue and that makes this whole wedding thing that much more real and in my face!  it's super exciting and i'm thrilled we got the venue we wanted!!  it means that we can finally get the planning going in full swing :)

it does make me think is that we only have a little over a year left to look absolutely phenomenal for the big day.  thus the challenge begins......must set small goals for each month so that we hit the target for next year.  the diet change is helping but we really do have to incorporate exercise into the mix.  we have a great gym that we just literally haven't gone to in two months so it's time to get off our asses.

it may be a lofty goal but i think we can hit a 5 lb mark a month which would get us down by 60 lbs.  yes, i know that not all months we'll hit that and some we'll exceed that though it's a good average to hit considering we've got lots we can shed.  we started on wed. with a boxing class and are going to another tone tomorrow :)

more details to come soon!
~danban

back to basics

so we strayed a little far from normalcy for a few weeks and learned a valuable lesson.  one i said i learned already but i do tend to take the most difficult road to really let those lessons sink in!

i worked 89 hours in two weeks which wouldn't normally be that big a deal except that i worked over the weekend and got those 89 hours in by half day Wed on week two.  it was a rough time and we neeeeeeeded the vacation though we really didn't need to pay for it!  we headed to Vegas, had wonderful time, and the clothes are a little tight.

so, it's back to the diet for us this week which is going well so far despite the fact that i needed to teach a class on Wed and they brought in food!  it is nice to be back into a bit of normalcy food-wise anyway as it really does make me feel better overall.  next week we'll incorporate some exercise in as we're getting back and used to the lack of carbs :)

exercise this week has consisted on wrangling the three dogs as we're dog sitting for Jan this week which has been interesting..... i feel like i look similar to an Alaskan dog sledder with the three of them pulling me along!  and i do yell MUSH from time to time :)  overall, a hilarious scene!

this weekend i think we're going to head up north to see some friends though try to work in checking out some venues in SD.  we're a little later than originally planned to have a venue settled though we'll have it settled before we hit the 1 year mark!  i'm excited to get the rest of the planning in the works and the crafty stuffs started :)

hope you are all well out there!  more soon.....

~danban

easy lesson learned

well, we went out and a little too much fun this weekend and saw the results right away.  it was a good and easy lesson to learn as most of it was water retention and we dropped back down by tuesday morning.  it's crazy to see how quickly that yo yo can happen when you fall off the good food/no booze wagon.  it was an important fact to re-acquaint myself with and i'm glad that's over and done with.  moving on!

i'm actually really impressed by some of the recipes we've been trying out lately from the Primal diet.  i really thought i'd be hungrier and that they would be more bland and blah than they are!  so far this eating habit changing thing has worked out smoothly and i really appreciate that katie helped steer us in the right direction!  we'll be hitting up annie and katie for more recipes soon :)

we got some seriously good progress made on wedding stuffs this past week and i'm getting more and more excited to check out the first venues in Tahoe.  i think next weekend will really help us define if we're going to attempt to put on this shin-dig here or there!  we found some very picturesque places and i really hope they live up to the pictures and expectation. of course, there will also be snowboarding while there :)

more soon!
~danban

too much stress

my life is filled with too much of it.  the job creates the most of it for sure.  i'm in the middle of a client engagement from hell and we're so close to done but not quite done and it's torture.  and because of said client, we may not get to go on a mini vaca with friends which seriously bums me out!  it's just ridiculous that a job can dictate so much of your life and have such a negative impact on a day.  i have no doubt that this is part of my weight retention not to mention the fact that it feeds into alcohol to relax which is empty calories, etc. etc. etc.....

on the brighter side, the diet is going well so far.  of course a few slip ups but we both had weight losses for the week!  ryan lost almost 6lbs and me a mere 2 but a loss is a loss so good news overall!  we're liking the recipes we've put together so far and none are super complicated or bland :)

wedding planning and brew schedule have got to take a front seat this weekend!  we have some very definite goals for both that can be accomplished!  we're planning on brewing at some point this weekend so will post what it is next week :)

hope you have a wonderful weekend out there!
~danban

so far......eh!

well, so far we've stuck to the diet except for one excursion out each that was bordering on whether or not it was within the new diet.  but here's the deal.......we don't have the book yet on what the actual diet is so we're making it up kind of.  we've pretty much figured out what the tenants are but don't have the whole theory book yet to fully grasp what we're getting into.  and we're easing in......part primal diet part south beach diet.  and we've been doing hour long walks with the pooches to get in a little more exercise so in all, good stuff!

we're already researching new recipes for veggies since they'll comprise a good percentage of the upcoming diet so send along any and all suggestions you have!

so far we're headed in the right direction (both have had some weight loss this week) but i'm curious to read the whole story of the primal diet to really get kick started on this journey!  so far Ryan's close to his 5lb goal for the week but i'm not so lucky.  here's hoping the weigh in on monday is more forgiving :)

best,
~danban

re-post but a good one

i came across this and thought it was a great thing to share and remember during this time of wedding planning and related parties.  it is true that you have to have some exclusivity but do have to remember that if it's not done in a mean-spirited way, then it's not cruel as you cannot invite everyone you know to everything wedding related.  i hope it helps anyone out there in a similar situation......

"I had an engagement party on Sunday. It went really well and everyone seemed to have a lot of fun. Now pictures and posts are starting to trickle onto Facebook and Google+ — and I'm watching with a combination of trepidation and interest.

The use of social media in modern-day event planning and celebrating is a relatively unexplored territory, short of making events and inviting people to them, marking them private or public, and waiting for the RSVPs to come in. Most of my friends keep their more formal, more intimate, or more serious gatherings off Facebook entirely; it seems to be the province of housewarmings, open birthday parties, drunken meet-ups, and house parties. Wedding invitations, funerals, bar and bat mitzvot, anniversary parties — all of these seem to be too formal for an event on Facebook, at least in my social group.

However, the post-party roundup seems to go un-addressed in a lot of modern etiquette discussions. Putting an album of pictures up on Facebook where friends who weren't invited to the party can see them? Deciding whether to post a status thanking your biggest helpers and supporters so they can get some community love? Handling how to address the people who were invited but didn't RSVP, or the people who weren't invited who feel like they should have been? None of these things are handled in advice columns.

I didn't think about how our guests would treat our party online. Pictures have been posted, people have been tagged, comments have been left, and there seems to be a small, but healthy, amount of chatter about the weekend's events (specifically around all the pretty henna which arose from it!). I certainly don't mind any of the sharing that's going on, but it's funny, in hindsight, to have thought that I could keep this party on the down-low to keep from ruffling any feathers.

We have to own that we're more complicated than friend requests and status updates and allow ourselves not to be ashamed of being exclusive, as long as our exclusivity isn't mean-spirited.

It's also funny to examine my own feelings as I watch the posts go live. I keep waiting to feel some kind of guilt or embarrassment about folks who weren't invited to the party seeing the pictures and such, but so far it hasn't happened. I look at the pictures from the party and realize that with a couple of exceptions, we've known every person in those pictures for more than two years — many of them have been friends with one or both of us longer than we've been together as a couple. Every single one of them will be invited to our wedding. We didn't invite all the people we're going to invite to our wedding, but doubtless we could double or triple the prospective wedding guest list and still have people left out who could be hurt by their exclusion.

We're blessed with a huge and diverse community of interesting, generous, kind people. The flip side of that blessing is that it can be hard to impose limitations on who comes to what event. Drawing the lines between acquaintances, friends, close friends, and family feels so judgmental, but is a requirement, not just logistically, but emotionally.

This is one of those things that social media (especially Facebook) handles so poorly — the idea that friends are friends are friends, with no variation, no hierarchy. It encourages a sense of discriminating or of being discriminated against, rather than an acceptance of what should be a completely normal fact — that we segregate our social groups into layers of intimacy every time we call someone up to chat, we accept an invitation to lunch or a party, we look at the instant message floating on our screen and decide to ignore it. Social media just makes that segregation more public.

In the age of online communication and digital relationships, we have to fight against social media's drive to simplify our relationships into something computers can understand. We have to own that we're more complicated than friend requests and status updates and allow ourselves not to be ashamed of being exclusive, as long as our exclusivity isn't mean-spirited. We have to remember that making a judgment call is not the same thing as being judgmental.

So, how am I dealing with the posts by other people on Facebook et al? I'm not, really. I'm not explaining, statusing, worrying, excusing, or wringing my hands. I'm certainly not apologizing. If anyone wants to bring it up with me, they're welcome to, and I'm happy to explain our choices. But I'm not going to lie to anyone about why we made those choices, least of all myself."

best,

~danban

new year......new goals

SO......just like everyone, i've gotten a bug up  my ass to really start moving and changing things around and this year will have a LOT of that packed into it!  we have set a wedding date and now we gots to get movin and shakin to get ready for 2013 and to start married life (yes, VERY weird to say that!)!!!

that being said, one goal i have is to hold myself accountable to those around me and myself even more than i do now.  one thing i pledge is to finally get my arse in gear to really get myself and my fiance healthy.  more and more his health becomes my concern as i expect him to be around a lot longer than his father was able. in order to accomplish that, we gots to get moving!  so, what you can expect from me is at least a weekly blog entry on what we accomplished that we to achieve that goal.  each of us needs to lose approx 50 lbs and eat way healthier!

secondly, what you can expect is that we are putting together a schedule of brewing as we need to get out of corporate america and build our own future.  once that schedule is in place we'll be setting up regular tastings so that our friends and family can help us achieve our goals.  you will be notified when we will require your "services"  :)

third, will be more wedding schtuffs and would LOVE input and inspiration from those around me!  we want to keep it simple, we want to keep it small, and we would love to keep it truly representing who we are!  more blog updates about this and some ideas soon......won't post all as some of it should be kept secret for the day of  :)

that's all i got for now but more to come soon......................

much love and a prosperous new year to you!
~danban