reflections

it's hard to know how to describe 2010.....it was a year of beginnings and endings and I'd describe it all as bittersweet........

words cannot describe how lucky i feel to have an amazingly loving, supportive, and handsome man in my life. we were able to celebrate our 1st year together in october in paso. life is so simple, sweet, fulfilling, and adventurous these days. i feel truly blessed to be so happily situated in my 31st year :) i'm excited for the trips and adventures we have planned in the upcoming year and for what the future in general holds for us.

obviously, there were some events this year that kept it rocky though not entirely horrific. there are memories that we wish could fade faster than they will and memories we'll wish we could have that will now never happen. for that our lives will forever be altered though we'll continue to live our lives as though we're still being provided a little guidance along the way.

the message that speaks to me most this time of year is surprisingly my own from two years ago. with a little adaptation, it still passes for life and my thoughts today.

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it's the year's end and inspiration for reflection is all around. how do we make sense of the chaos of daily life? how do we find purpose in the small things, humor in the most unlikely of places, and the determination to make it through daily living without complete collapse or insanity?

we look for solace in relationships with others and through that within ourselves. but what happens when that person is no longer there? what happens when the shoulder you turned to is no where to be found? we're amazing creatures who change and adapt with our surroundings yet never seem to be able to get past what could have been or what massive undertakings are upcoming. so the question is, can you accept what has been and use it to create better things in the future? is that the dream or just a way to survive the passing days?

such questions and thoughts swirl through my brain and i answer some and leave others to ponder for another day. in the end, i know i choose to live life to the fullest i see fit and what works for me may not work for you. i hope that those who i love know it even if i don't say the words often enough. those who are no longer with me are always in my thoughts and the impact they've left will not be forgotten. this time of year is about love and hope......keep those things in your heart the whole year through and the days are more than bearable.....they're actually enjoyable.

A little message for the year's end from Ryan........

Dear 2010: Your services are no longer required and we respectfully ask that you vacate the premises by the end of the day. Do not expect references. Thanks.

~danban

no right way to go

have you ever been in a situation where you know that no matter what you do, you'll most likely be completely wrong?! it feels a little out of control and you attempt to help the situation by suggesting a plan of action only to silence the whole room? the crazy thing is that there is no right or wrong answer and the situation itself is just messed up but it feels like something needs to be done though there's nothing left to do or say. silence isn't quite right so of course the next plan of action has to be made but for every plan there are thousands of consequences most of which aren't obvious or clear. feeling lost like this is just frustrating and exhausting.

talking to others not in the situation is hard too cause it seems at this point they're tired of hearing it so there's no one to call. the one person to call is out of the country so continuing on aimlessly is about all that can be done. it's very disheartening to be in this position and i want so badly to make it better but know i can't. best i can do is just point my head to the heavens and scream in frustration, put my head back down, clear it the best i can, and move on to the next day.

i know that this too shall pass and that 2011 will be easier and better than 2010. just hard to move past this feeling with no relief in sight just yet. i'm continuing to look forward to Tahoe, Bloomington, Vegas, and wherever else this new year will take me knowing that the memories and experiences that i have will continue to lift my spirits and prove that in 2011 life is getting better.

cheers,

danban

a little perspective

Mayonnaise Jar & Two Beers..

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him..

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.


He then asked the students if the jar was full.


They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly.


The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.


He then asked the students again if the jar was full.


They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.


Of course, the sand filled up everything else.


He asked once more if the jar was full.


The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed..

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.


The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else---the small stuff.


'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.


The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you..

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.


Spend time with your children.


Spend time with your parents.


Visit with grandparents..


Take time to get medical checkups.


Take your spouse out to dinner.


There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.


Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter.


Set your priorities.

The rest is just sand.


One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented.


The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'

The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.