struggling

i know that we're doing this weight loss, diet, exercise thing in the smartest of possible ways yet i can't help but feel down about the lack of results occasionally.  unfortunately today is one of those days.  my bad mood was immediately caused by someone mentioning to someone else that they've lost weight and look good.  i'm sitting in the same room.  i've been trying my hardest to lose weight yet it obviously doesn't seem to show the same results and i go unnoticed yet again.  i can't help but get upset.  makes me feel so seriously large yet insignificant.  yet i know there's no way i could do the same things that she did to lose the weight.  no marathon training and cleanses are in my future.  instead just a focus on eating healthy, getting in our workouts, getting in as many walks as possible, and it just doesn't seem to be doing anything at the moment. intellectually, i know that muscle weighs more thus the scale somewhat lies; however, that doesn't change that i feel like a beached whale especially today after hearing that said to someone else in front of me.  today, i feel defeated.  tomorrow, is another day and let's hope it's better than today.

it doesn't help that i'm headed on a trip with friends who are all much smaller than myself and we're giong wine tasting which doesn't fit into my diet.  i hate that this causes me stress and that i have to seriously stop and think about every damn thing that goes into my mouth.  this seems like such a sad way to live sometimes and hate that this is such a struggle for me.  i know that i'm going to need to get in a few workouts while there just to maintain the small amount of weight loss i've achieved so far.  which also saddens me cause i can't just relax with these people and enjoy myself.  my biggest fear is the pool and having to be in a baithing suit.  wish i could just look forward to this trip instead of viewing it with dread.

when we return from this last vacation before the DR trip, i think i'm going to start bringing my running shoes and go for jogs at lunch.  i know i'll be sweaty when i return from lunch but i already am when i return from our 2 mile walks.  i have to figure out something else to help kick start the weight loss.  that and more regular kickboxing classes i know will help.

intellectually, i know that this is a lengthy process and a life change more than just a fad diet or week long cleanse so i won't see results right away.  doesn't stop the fact that i'm frustrated and upset with myself for not having achieved more fitness wise.  just a tough day today .....

~danban