hi....i'm slow

i took my new pair of zoots out this morning and got smushed by the day. cindy and i were cruising along around a quarter under a 9 min mile and then the hills started, the exhaustion reared it's ugly head, and my apologies started streaming out of my mouth for killing her run. i hate being the one lagging and i hate bringing someone else's workout down cause they feel the need to slow up for me. i'm not sure when this horrifying trend began but i do know that i hate it. i find myself giving excuses to those i workout with, working out alone, or just not working out in order to avoid this all too familiar feeling of being the slow kid. at some point i was thought of as the fast rider or the surprisingly fastish runner. not anymore. i'm not sure if it's that i never really peaked and have stayed around the same level of fitness and speed and that everyone else has started finally catching then passing me. i do know that it sucks and i'm really good at beating myself up for it. maybe i need to find new/slower training partners or get a coach or really getting in longer workouts. i have no flippin clue but i do know that this can't continue or i'll end up talking myself out of a sport that's brought a ton into my life. i do know that i didn't enjoy my 4 miles this morning, i haven't been enjoying my cycling lately, and i'm losing motivation by the minute. still unsure of how to pick myself up out of this hole i'm digging. suggestions welcome. and until i do figure it out, you'll find me at the back of the pack meandering my way toward the finish cause i'm too stubborn to just give up.

~danban