wipeout

i heart wipeout. i know it's goofy and stupid but it's HILARIOUS. it's one of the few things that i've found that consistently makes me laugh out loud. there are lots of comedies that are rated as phenomenal and people talk incessantly about how they laughed out loud but i usually find them dumb or just ok. but wipeout is a whole other beast! it reminds me of the stuff on q4 and the sheer stupidity of the obstacles these people put themselves through makes me holler with laughter! i seriously almost pee my pants when i watch it!

for no reason in particular it makes me think of the obstacles that people throw in their own paths. no, i'm no exception and i fully am aware of the blocks i stick in front of my own face. i have a tendency to be far too hard on myself in many respects. yes, i should take it easy on myself but this is the way i've kept myself motivated and continue to attempt to better myself and situation in life....by challenging myself. maybe i am a bit harsh though it's been difficult lately to not be for no particular reason. i am not at all good at expressing my emotions or talking to people about how i'm feeling and i have a tendency to end up pushing people away cause they end up getting bored or annoyed with me. it's on par with taking compliments for me - i'm just not good at either. these are things i'm working on yet for some odd reason i just don't seem to be getting out of my own way. none of this quite makes sense cause lately i've been feeling lonely even in a crowd though i don't know who to turn to because i refuse to really talk about it. kinda stupid and funny if you think about the overall picture. i refuse to talk to people yet i feel lonely. one hell of a conundrum isn't it?!

so i find that i've been overcommitting myself so that i don't find myself in that lonely place yet it's one that can't really be avoided no matter how hard i try. cause it's not the company on the outside that i'm craving it's the acceptance within to just be myself even by myself. i think i've just exhausted myself with too many obligations and not allowed myself the time to sit and relax and breathe for even a moment. which just leaves me wiped out in the literal sense. kind of a confusing loop isn't it?! well, it's going to change becuase i am tired of it. just be patient cause it's going to be a slow meander as i often tend to do and please don't take it personally if i seem like an ass from time to time. i probably don't even know i'm behaving that way!

~danban