it's my time

over the last months i've gotten lots of questions coming upon race day and considering my first Iron and i've been stewing over some of them in my head for far too long so i thought i'd write it all out......

what motivates me to race at all let alone consider an Ironman?
though there are too many things to list here, i'll give you a general overview..... because there were those that thought i could and wouldn't (including at one time, myself), because my friend Tim never will have the chance, because there are so many who pass through the City of Hope who also never will have the chance, because my brother now has the chance should he choose to, because it's a place of solitude for me to work on improving myself just for myself, because i enjoy the challenge, because i want to find and break as many of my personal walls/barriers as i can find, because it allows me to see more of this glorious world that so many take for granted, because it allows me time to work through frustrations and come to peace with what troubles my mind, but mostly because i enjoy it! i enjoy the time on the bike, the solitary time in the swim yet the challenge of the master's crew, zoning out while running, training with a good group of friends, and a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day knowing that i'm out there doing something that most people don't ever aspire to attempt.

why an Ironman? why not just be content with olympic or half distances?
because it's another threshold i'm still not sure i can cross. it's more a mental barrier than a physical one as is my ongoing weigh issues. these are things i'm going to change by March 6, 2010. i'm going to do it to prove to myself that no matter the road ahead (all 140.6), i will make it to my destination and i will do it with a smile!

what will i do after New Zealand?
find a new challenge to better myself. no, it may not be a new physical goal for a while after the race but i'll no longer allow myself to become complacent. and as to physical goals......who knows! maybe i'll move onto a more difficult Iron, maybe i'll be content with halves, maybe i'll move into the world of centuries, or maybe i'll follow my father's footsteps and just keep running. only time will tell.....

i've been kicking myself the last few months because i've been slacking. in truth, i've forgotten or chosen to ignore those things that keep me going that get my blood boiling and light a fire under my arse. i disappointed myself in my last two halves and choose to remedy that for the next half and the bigger goal of New Zealand.

it's time to stop hiding behind laziness and cowardice and just put everything i've got into it. it's time to stop allowing a job to dictate my schedule more than my desire to make something better of myself. it is after all just a job and what i do there won't determine anyone's fate or move mountains. it's time to focus on a bigger picture rather than the day to day. it's time for me to get serious.

~danban