i am not a jogger

last night i was less than enthusiastic about doing any type of working out especially cause i missed set class and didn't swim. i heard katie b's head in my voice about needing to get some sort of something in and cb's quote on his blog "Words are words, explanations are explanations, promises are promises but only performance is reality." by michael phelps. so i begrudgingly put on my run stuff and set off to be kind to my knees while pounding out some mileage. i was beyond bored on the treadmill for the first 40 mins (cause some jackoff decided to watch baseball while working out - WHO does that?!?!!!). i paused for a min or two to change the boringness to CSI which i am addicted to. i stretched for a brief moment and got going again. the next 40 mins flew by and i felt good. really good! the first 40 got rid of the soreness from AFC so the second 40 was my time to shine. there was sacrifice and there were descending splits so no, i am not a jogger!! i do have to admit that i got some inspiration from a quote i read on sunday: "if you ran without sacrifice, congratulations you just jogged". turns out i passed along the inspiration to melissa who also ran last night because of another quote that is now my wallpaper: "no one has ever felt a jogger's high". it's funny where we can find our inspiration!! mine just happened to come from a pearl izumi ad :0) well, whatever motivates you, get out there and RUN even if you think you don't want to......

~danban

need a vacation from my problems

last weekend started off with a visit to dr. m. he happens to be the best doctor i've been to in a very very very long time. and he's hilarious so that's just an added bonus. so he took a look at wtf is wrong with my knees and declares that i have issues with my it band. great. just what i need two days before my race. yes, it is my fault that i didn't decide to head to see him earlier than two days before my race but at the point i find out that it's it band issues, of course i'm thinking he's conspiring with those in my age group to get me out of contention. oh wait....that's right..... i couldn't win my age group if i wanted to!!

regardless, i head off to swim with melissa since i didn't want to kill my legs but i wanted to get a workout in. we meet at the rp 24 hour. i did a 2 mile jog and a .5 mile warmup/.5 mile cool down for a total of 3 miles. we change and head to the pool when she FINALLY arrives. we hung out for a tiny bit in the hot tub as all the lanes were filled (half by stupid aqua joggers) and finally we get to jump into a lane. omg what a cesspool of nastiness that turned out to be!! our first clue should have been that the water was a wonderful beige color - NOT good!! our second clue should have been that none of the sluggish aqua joggers had their faces anywhere near the water - definitely odd and not good!! our third clue should have been the 1/2 gallon of juice that someone had on the side of the pool to rinse the nastiness out of his mouth between sets - terrible news!! regardless, we jumped in and were excited about our swim. we became less and less excited the further down our first 25 meters and were absolutely considering quitting after the first 100 meters cause it tasted just like it smelled - of sweat, urine, and ass. so, you poor unsuspecting fools out there, do NOT swim here unless you are planning on doing the backstroke and your face will not ever hit the water. cause i'm tellin you now - i think i have some sort of nastiness living in my sinuses after that experience! i warned the guy who just jumped into the lane next to us as we were exiting (yes, we got in more than the 100 meters). consider this your fair warning!!

we head to sushi post swim and enjoy a yummy yummy round of sushi and monkey ballz. it was really nice to catch up with her on life outside of work and relationships etc. we continued the conversations and party at her place where we eventually hung by a bonfire with her ex and some friends. she helped me work out a plan for what to send mr. christopher in iraq and we went to get some of the fixins post breakfast on saturday. it turned into a looney tunes version of attempting to bake cookies but we had fun. not kidding, we had to make a few trips to the store cause we kept forgetting items that were necessary for baking! i never ended up getting to bake anything with her for the boyz cause i had to head off to a swim lesson with luke.

i have to admit, i was nervous going to meet luke for my swim lesson cause i felt like a flailing cow when i swam. let me tell you folks, it was WELL worth going to see him cause even though my stroke now feels 100% awkward and different, it also feels effortless and i can see a light at the end of this water tunnel i had myself in for the longest time!! he helped pin point what i was doing and how i needed to alter what i was doing to stop fighting my way through the water. i'm actually excited about hitting the water again and am anticipating how well it's going to go the next 2 mile swim! i'm sure i'll end up spending more time wiht luke as this obsession called triathlon continues. i HIGHLY recommend that you think about it as well......

after the swim, it was off to the expo cause my dumb butt totally spaced on the fact that ummm hellOOOOOO you have to have a timing chip and race number to do the flippin AFC half! you'd think i was a rookie :0) i head off to grab katie b and meet bri at the expo. we hit up the expo with no problem and just a bit of time to spare and found that it actually was a GOOD expo! i ended up getting some of the new lemonade ultima which i am in LOVE with. we saw the stick people there and asked some stick questions. katie b even found the most AWESOME jewelry dude at the expo and i got a seventy point three bracelet that i absolutely adore. if you wanna check out his awesomeness hit up his site at Endorphin Warrior. we headed out to dinner with marty and paul a and a whole slew of other people. we hit up this place that was down off of harbor island that was directly off the water. the food was yummy but a tiny bit pricy for this new food budget i have to account for these days. marty was buggin for me to join him, katie b, chelsea, and luke for a movie but i HAD to get home to catch some zzzzz's before race day.

the alarm goes off retardedly early and i am not ready. i snooze for a bit longer and finally drag my butt out of bed around 4:40AM. i throw my stuff on, make a breakfast wrap of crunchy barney butter and a whole wheat tortilla, grab a mix of water and my new ultima and hit the road. i cruised along fine until the exit off the 163 for park to get to balboa. it was absoloutely stopped! i freaked for a little bit cause i didn't know if i'd be able to park and make it on a bus before the 6am cutoff. well, i ended up making it on the bus and was able to calm a bit before we hit the road. the run was fine and my legs felt ok. i saw bill and ginger along the way and was cruising at around 10 min miles when around 5.5 a lady yells at me that she needs water. i slow and stop and hand her the water when i notice that there's a girl down. she is not doing well. a dude on a bike calls for the paramedics on his cell while we're attempting to cool her down as much as possible. during the 15 minutes i was there, she passed out 3 times, went into hysterics on the phone with her friend, and had a small seizure. it was a bit freaky and there were times we had to check her pulse and breathing. the ambulance finally arrives and takes care of her. i can hear her telling them what day of the week it is through her oxygen mask as i begin the next leg of my half marathon.

i run along at my 10 min pace and feel a little less than ok. i run into penny and figure i might as well slow to her pace as i'm already going to hit my slowest race ever which i am beyond fine with. at this point, i have a new goal: get penny accross the line in under 2:45 to set a new PR for her!! we motivated each other and finally get to the finish line where i see katie b screaming her head off just before we cross that line. it was a good race and i got to see the bosses at the end cause one of them is a marathoner! i cool down and head off to get my triple crown which is where we run into katie b again eating her fill of barney butter :0) we re-group and figure out what we're going to do for breakfast and all meander off toward our cars.

here's where it gets interesting! katie b swears that her car is through the arches and just a ways in the westerly direction. wrong wrong wrong!! and i'm so tired that i'm fully believing her conviction when she tells me she HAS to be right! we hit 6th street which i had a sinking suspicion while we're walking is wrong and we finally check out a map. we are on the complete opposite side of the park from where we needed to be!! i am NOT walking - no, no, no, no!! we call bri and he gallantly comes to carry us off to our cars so i can eat cause at this point i'm ravenous. what a gentleman!!

the remainder of the afternoon was spent at the beach with ryan and sandra. after which katie b helped me search for gifts for mr. christopher's package that was sent yesterday to iraq. it was a seriously packed weekend!! i had an interesting call that night from kar and an even more bizarre im convo with t the next morning that added to the inspiration for the title. if you wish to know more, just ask as i'm exhausted and headed to the store soon.

p.s. if you don't know where the title of my post comes from......that's seriously just sad!

take care,
~danban

total rediculiousness presented by b. gunn

so i'd totally totally totally forgotten about the rediculiousness of our trip home from v-man but HAD to share his story with you..........

from gunn's blog: the gimp, the slut, and the klutz

"There were many good times had over the weekend, but the best story for sharing is the start of our trip home. We left Guerneville the day of the race at around 7:30. There's a nice windy road leaving the town and I'd already driven it more often that I'd wanted, due to the fact that T2 was several miles away along this very road. As I was driving along, I was relishing the fact that this was the last time I'd have to drive this stretch when suddenly Dana realized she had Sandra's ID. So--we had to turn around and go back. Sandra did agree to meet us half way, but it did mean more time on this stupid road.

As we're driving back and forth through the twists and turns, Katie starts to feel motion sick. This isn't helped by the fact that she ran out of food and hasn't eaten in forever. While we cruise along, Katie tries to sleep to keep herself from throwing up. Eventually her tummy starts to feel bad so she unbuttons and unzips her pants to relieve some of the pressure that's making her feel even worse.

Finally we make it to a Whole Foods just 10 minutes before they close. We walk in and I immediately head over to order a coffee. Dana, having just finished the race, is limping around the store looking for food, but eventually makes her way over to order a sandwich. Katie wanders around the store looking like someone who has just stepped off a 24 hour torture session of riding the world's most puke inducing rollercoaster. After getting my coffee, I head over to Dana and try to hand her an environmentally friendly reusable bag I'm carrying under my arm. To do this, though, I need to set my coffee down. Now picture one of the nice refrigerated sections at the grocery store. You know--the kind with the nice rounded glass front where they had the coleslaw and potato salad. Well apparently when I set my coffee down, I didn't entirely place it on the flat part on top, but rather on the rounded area, so as I'm handing the bag to Dana, my coffee starts to slide down. I notice this just in time to try to catch it and end up juggling it a bit before it turns upside down and douses the entire front of the case and quite a bit of myself in coffee. The workers are now all looking at us in disgust as one of them says "Guess I'll be cleaning that up."

So--I head off to the bathroom to rinse the coffee off myself and, once there, look in the mirror to see that my hair is an absolute mess. It's sticking straight up and is really quite frightening. But, I head back out, get another coffee, round up the girls and head out. Once we get to the car, Katie suddenly realizes that she spent the entire time walking around the the store with her pants unbuttoned and unzipped. So, we spent quite a while afterwards trying to figure out what the people in the store must have thought of us. We finally decided they thought we were a gimp, a slut, and a klutz. :)

In the end, I drove most of the way home, though Dana relived me for an hour so I could sleep through the grapevine. Eventually we made it back to Dana's at 5 am. Somehow even though Katie slept the whole time, she looked even worse than I did, while Dana, who mostly stayed up to keep my company looked totally fresh and alert:"

i heart you b.gunn and katie b :0)

~danban

are you psychic?!

a friend of mine sent my horoscope to me today and it blew me away how much it reflected my posting yesterday.........

Friday, Aug 15th, 2008 -- It's hard to see where your life is leading these days, yet you believe that you would be happier if you knew for sure. Your thoughts are weighted down by responsibilities, so it's difficult to imagine a solution to your current blues. Paradoxically, accepting the truth as it is -- even if it's less than your ideal -- can put an end to your moodiness.

i guess the universe knows what i'm feeling/thinking! at least it provided me an answer :0) now, if only it could be a BIT more specific....... ~danban

totally grey

i've had this feeling lately......this totally grey and blah feeling. just down just not wanting to do anything just not motivated by anything or anyone just complacent just EXHAUSTED. sometimes i get this bizarre out of body/medicine head/light headedness and i don't know where that is coming from either. i feel like i've bounced from hobby to hobby, from group to group, from sport to sport, from something to something to something else looking for some sort of extended excitement or sense of passion about just anything. is it that i'm looking outward and not looking inward? is it that i feel that need to move again cause i've been here too long? i don't think that is it. is it that i expect too much of others and especially myself? will i find that excitement or contentment? what is it that i need? what is it that i want? how the hell am i supposed to find these answers and where do i even begin looking??
these are the endless things that run through my head. these are the thoughts that keep me up at night. i've felt these questions and thoughts building since the one year anniversary. i keep attempting to work though the questions and i keep attempting to find some sort of passion/excitement in my life and i keep coming to a dead end. the answer is somewhere within myself and the motivation is somewhere in there too but sometimes i just want to curl up and go to sleep and ignore the world. those are the P&P days and those are the days i feel my worst. those are the days i need to be dis-connected from the world and don't want to talk to anyone and want my roommie to just not be home. those are the days i don't want to think my own thoughts, feel the emotions running through my veins, don't want to expend any energy on anything. i can bring myself out of those funks but not all the way. the need to find that thing that drives me and that passion for something in life is missing. what is it and where do i find it??
i am hoping to find the light through all the grey. there are light moments but i'm just existing from moment to moment and attempting to skip over the grey. t and my friends have been awesome as distractions but it's time for me to dig in and find my passion again. they remind me that there is a world out there that is good and it really is worth living each moment to the fullest. i am ready to reach out and talk through what is going on in order to find some excitement some challenge just something that sparks this world into full color agian.

~danban

oh what a day

saturday starts at 6am with katie b telling me it's time to wake up. ummm excuse me? who would ever want to wake up this early on purpose?? oh right - i agreed to cause we're helping the current TNT teams with time trial. still seems ridiculous to me. probably cause i also managed to get little to no sleep the night before cause the creepy roommie came home at some ungodly hour, was grunting, and talking to himself. i SWEAR i heard a clank like something dropping on the fender of one of the beach cruisers but my Guru was out there so i was FUMING. anyway, lack of sleep and all, i pack my stuff into my car and we hit starbucks on the way to coronado so i could get some breakfast and caffeine to power me through the morning.

we're heading to coronado and manage to make it over the bridge before i lose katie b! wait - WHERE is she going?!?!! we get back on track and make it in time to see everyone getting their stuff ready and get in a round of hugs. mentor greg aarons is there!! he was my first mentor and he lead me on my first mentor ride with trevor k. forever ago! it was awesome to see him and took me back a notch or two. i did some catching up with those alum who showed to volunteer and those mentors i know from teams past. coach assigns us jobs and makes his speech to the newbies. we're finally ready to go! it was a fun morning and i end up doing the timing. it's readily evident that i cannot figure out the stupid math of their laps 1 and 2 so i give up and just put in their totals. apparently math fails me after no sleep :0) we eventually break up and move on to jim's place to get ready for our workout of the day.

katie b has us scheduled for a double brick of 60/30 (60 min ride then 30 min run X 2). we changed as quickly as possible (considering we had to get a tour of the place and say hi to hayley and jenn). we headed out of the naval base and out onto the strand heading south to ib. the wind was an interesting combo of side winds/tail winds on the way south and side winds/head winds on the way north. south jim and i hit around 23 miles per hour and about 17 miles an hour on the way back north through some pretty strong head winds. i kept my cadence pretty high and spun as much as possible to keep my heart rate down. i didn't want to push it cause i haven't been training as intensely as katie b since vineman and my legs needed a good intro into cycling and needed to be loose for running. the run wasn't bad cause i kept my pace down with jim and ryan so i felt ok just tired and ready for a nap when we hit jim's for the second loop. there were lots of i don't wanna go out again, even muttered by myself, though i never intended on sitting the next rotation out. c'mon now, i'm too stubborn for that!

we head south again and i can tell the wind has picked up - oh great! i kept my cadence high again and managed to lose jim, who'd been riding my draft the first loop and the first quarter of the second loop. i was out on my own and was really able to feel how my legs were doing and feel when i needed to knock it down a gear or lighten it up a gear to keep my cadence high and my legs feeling good. it was kind of nice to not have someone to distract me from my thoughts and being attuned to my body. i managed a descending split on both sides of the second loop regardless of the higher winds! as i was getting back to jim's, i saw katie b and ryan heading out on their run. my knees started feeling a little sore as i headed out and i met jim out on my run. he cycled with me since his legs were done from the ride and i ended up running only 15 miles since my knees kept getting more and more sore. we headed back to his house and got some lemonade and a few minutes later, katie b and ryan returned from their run. all in all, a successful day and a difficult one. it was SO worth it. i was exhausted and ready for a nap when we were done but my legs felt good and the workout was awesome! we headed to lunch and relaxed a bit while i re-hydrated a TON! we had some good laughs and good conversations and felt exhausted by the end of lunch.

i headed off to kate's b-day party fullly expecting to only stay for an hour or so. i ended up hanging out til 10:30 and had a phenomenal time seeing everyone there. i've missed kate and i've missed hanging/getting to talk with her. she's a best friend and a sister. we have plans to get together for dinner and head to gaia soon! i'll be seriously excited to spend time getting to know umut as he seems like a wonderful person and someone who is very supportive and loving of kate. i'm extraordinarily happy for her!!

today, i'm working and debating on the cove swim...... i hate it and am not looking forward to it. do i do something that brings me no pleasure or do i cop out and do a swim on my own at the gym? or do i be lazy and take the day off and focus on work and make time for the workouts this week? do i hope that luke will help with my swim and i'll be back in the saddle once i enjoy swimming as katie b seems to? answer: cop out, work, laundry, olympics, gym later, lazy, and hope for better with luke....
~danban

topsy turvey

the past few days/week/time since back from vineman has felt like a whirlwind! some good turns and some bad yet a whirlwind non-the-less. i feel less and less control over my schedule/life/work yet it isn't a bad thing. it's not to say that i'm not in control it just seems to be catching momentum and not slowing down! i wish i could recall all of it for you ad naseum though i'm not so sure it'd make for such a stellar story!! suffice to say though it has not been without surprises. things with trouble are going well and he's as big of a sweetie as ever. he's constantly surprising me with his attention to detail and his willingness to put up with my nonsense!!

training still feels at a standstill and that needs to change SOON! had a two mile swim on sunday that did not go at all well. i don't know if there is some sort of ramp up time you need to get back at it after a half but i felt the pain of it if it exists! i am greatful for katie b's continued patience with me on sunday even though i know her patience was reaching the very last fiber of the very last thread when the chopper flew overhead and yet again i panicked. again, very bad day :( if you'd like more detail.....please see katie b's blog. i also found out that i desperately need new goggles and possibly new shoes. my knees were KILLING me during our post swim run.

i think the most overwhelming has been this sense that my cheeks are puffing out and so is the rest of me. i understand logically the need for food and the need for certain balances of food and all that schtuff.......i just don't care and it shows. it shows in my pant size and i hate that too. i have to find a balance of caring about food and making the time for it so that i don't hate the rest to do with it. i've always had self-image problems and self-esteem problems but have always felt that it just wasn't worth it to take care of me. taking care of others...no problem!! i'm just not worth the effort so why bother? and that's reflecting in my size of clothing and that's finally starting to bug me again. katie b has once again been MORE than patient attempting to walk me through the whole overwhelming process of figuring out wtf my body is asking for cause obviously i've been ignoring it for quite some time. p.s. katie b was NOT exaggerating the wonders of barney butter. check it people....check it.

let's not forget the wonders of work. oh yes it's been glorious! so last week was a semi-disaster/attempt to look professional/frustration hell/i need to get the effffffffffffffff out of here kind of week. we'll just say that i went to do my job, didn't have the proper knowledge (thanks co-worker) to do my job without falling on my face (probably in the design of said co-worker), and had to attempt to pick up the pieces with grace and dignity. then this week i walk in overbooked and didn't even know it! i'm still attempting to re-create something that died 4 times and got booked for 40 hours without knowing it! (well, i didn't check our task list so my bad i guess.....) so now, i'm here finishing work and yes, it's going to be over 50 hours this week and i'm still attempting to figure out how to get the workouts in, the girl's night in, some time with trouble in, ALL the work done and ready to teach an admin class to the supposed devil next week AND manage to keep my sanity. any suggestions out there?!

~danban