yesterday was one of those days no one can plan for but i like to think i handled myself well......
starts with me working on a very high maintenance client who wants to hear back on any issues/concerns/questions/thoughts back immediately and thinks the world is crumbling if he doesn't. you know the type who thinks your sitting at your desk awaiting his every remark and is pissed when he thinks you're not paying enough attention to him. i'll take that as a good enough picture painted.
just before 10:30 one of the bosses and the high maintenance/self-important/holier-than-thou developer walk in and i sink in my chair. first thing spoken is me blurting "whatever it is, i promise i didn't do it!!" they both laugh and the boss asks if i can put aside what i'm working on to help the dev for 2 hours. i am floored - the golden boy needs assistance from a lowly pa?! has the world ended?? are we in hell and is it time for a snowball fight?!?!?! no, he's just a lazy ass who doesn't want to do this remedial task - yay me.
i agree to do the few hours work (cause i'm not going to say no to the boss) and find out that i'm building a new environment, upgrading it, upgrading sql to '08 which none of us have successfully used, restoring an environment all to get one file for a VERY high profile client. yay - plenty of potential for disaster here and i am NOT giddy to get started. so of course i move immediately into action and start with the new environment.
all goes well until i reach the time to restore the backed up environment. ummmmmmm - what do you mean one of the databases is restoring to 17GB?!?! my entire image is only 20!!!! fuck - where are we going to find that kind of space?? and how large are the other three backups???
so i end up wiping out my personal external drive, re-formatting it, and start the process of creating 100GB new drive. this apparently takes 2 1/2 hours which at the time i was blissfully unaware of. all i know is that i need to leave in a half hour to exchange the loaner car for my baby that's in the shop at the moment.
figuring i had enough battery power to get me through this escapade i leave for escondido with the disc still creating away in my passenger seat. talk about the worst traffic day since i've moved to cali. it took an hour to get from my office to the shop at which point my laptop battery is down to 25 minutes remaining and i've got a quarter of the damn disc left to create! fuck! this is a drive that should take half that time at most. plus i'm getting constantly ping'd for updates from a PM who is very high strung.
i switch cars out and am headed out to ramona from there and figure i can get it done in 20 mins no problem!! oh i was SO wrong and of course hit every light between the dealership and the main stretch of the 78 that gets to ramona. so now i'm panicking and need to find anyplace to plug the damn thing in so it doesn't die and i don't lose 2 hours of work.
i call a co-worker who lives really close to the local i currently am sitting and she cannot figure out where the hell i am though knows i'm close. this doesn't help as i now have 7 minutes to plug in the laptop or lose it all and start over.
in sheer desperation i pull into a dirt driveway leading up to a barn where people are outside sitting on horses and beg to plug my laptop in for the remaining 10-15 mins i need to finish creating this cursed disc. they politely look at me like i'd done lost my mind yet graciously agree that i can plug the piece of crap in so the job will finish.
my co-worker tracks me down and we patiently pet the ponies while waiting for my laptop to finish. ridiculous but true and no, you can't make this shit up.
so was it sheer dedication to my job that drove me to a barn to beg for electricity or complete idiocy that keeps me that devoted to a machine??
~danban
6/10/09
clarity? perhaps......
it's been an odd couple of weeks with some interesting thoughts.....i was riding 60 miles this past saturday with my original mentor and we pushed each other throughout the entire ride and had an amazing time. our pace was strong, our cadence good, and overall our time was surprisingly fast. and it hit me during this ride that i FINALLY remember why this is fun! i also realized that 112 miles isn't really going to be insurmountable and i could see myself on race day in new zealand and was smiling at this thought. now, my legs and lungs would argue this story with about 10 miles left on our ride! i think that having these thoughts/realizations though is a milestone in my return. i feel stronger than i have in a very long time and though the hills are more of a challenge then they've been in the past, the distance is still there......and the stubbornness that only a Banister could display at moments such as these!
a similar thought occurred to me on sunday when i ran 90 minutes in the encinitas area. for the first time in longer than i could recall, the run was actually fun! now, it turns out that i didn't have as strong of a workout as saturday but i didn't know it when i was out on the road. it was just me, thoughts of 26.2 miles, and my shuffle. my stride felt good and strong. i didn't feel terrible (which has marked my last handful of runs) and my knees didn't ache....much. the sunshining down on me was just enough to make it the perfect day for a long run. and i found that i actually enjoyed at least the first 75 minutes and could see that translating into my marathon. i could actually picture myself on race day with that pace (though knowing the results of that day, i know it'll be faster on race day) and that comfortable feeling of just the right stride.
moments like these are what compell me to push to what my coach knows i can do and what i'm realizing that my body will do when i tell it to. and days like i've had in the past few weeks are my way of telling myself that i WILL be an Ironman......there is no doubt left.
that's not to say that i may not be singing a different tune this coming saturday after 80 miles but let's keep our minds occupied with more positive thoughts! Vineman here i come!!!!
~danban
5/27/09
i heart master swim!
seriously, i've found a strange affinity over the last two days (well, and last week) for my master swim! the people there are great, the workouts are challenging, the coaches know their schtuff, and i feel fantastic when the workout is done!
i was nervous starting a master swim back up after not really training much over the last 3 months. i got in and started up and granted, i'm not the fastest but i'm actually not the slowest either! in fact, both coaches have said that they've seen an improvement from where i was with them last year! how could THAT be true?!?! possibly good tri coaching?? i think SO!!!
regardless, i'm having fun out there with this mis-matched crew of dolphins!
just thought i'd share :0)
~danban
i was nervous starting a master swim back up after not really training much over the last 3 months. i got in and started up and granted, i'm not the fastest but i'm actually not the slowest either! in fact, both coaches have said that they've seen an improvement from where i was with them last year! how could THAT be true?!?! possibly good tri coaching?? i think SO!!!
regardless, i'm having fun out there with this mis-matched crew of dolphins!
just thought i'd share :0)
~danban
5/26/09
not a terrible start
sunday i went on my first long ride back from knee issues and i'm actually pretty proud of my legs! took the train up to capistrano and rode down to solana with LOTS of wind along the way. we'd planned bail out strategies considering how terribly my legs felt the week before on the strand. turns out we didn't need a bail out (though i would've argued that around leucadia when i felt like getting off the bike and walking back to the car).
i kept a decent pace and we stopped twice for nutrition. yes, i know you shouldn't actually stop for nutrition but in all honesty it was partially to give my legs a bit of a rest and a stretch. my nutrition was actually fairly good considering it's been a while since i've had to put it to the test. my breakfast could've been better but the nutrition on the bike seemed right to me.
i was surprised to find that most of my base is there though i've slowed a bit. the thing that's missing is my ability to climb anything....hill....slight incline....bump.....anything! that was a serious bummer but i'm told it will come back with a bit of time.
50 miles + lots of wind + 3hrs 15 mins = happy danban
i kept a decent pace and we stopped twice for nutrition. yes, i know you shouldn't actually stop for nutrition but in all honesty it was partially to give my legs a bit of a rest and a stretch. my nutrition was actually fairly good considering it's been a while since i've had to put it to the test. my breakfast could've been better but the nutrition on the bike seemed right to me.
i was surprised to find that most of my base is there though i've slowed a bit. the thing that's missing is my ability to climb anything....hill....slight incline....bump.....anything! that was a serious bummer but i'm told it will come back with a bit of time.
50 miles + lots of wind + 3hrs 15 mins = happy danban
4/21/09
a little cooperation please
dear legs,
i know you've been on vacation for a little over 2 months now but i'd like to request that you attempt to focus on your tasks at hand. i don't believe this is too much to ask but am willing to work with you on this. i promise not to overwork you and in such cases as overtime is needed i vow to reward with time in the hot tub, a massage, or something of the like. i feel this is a valid compromise for both of us and would appreciate if you would begin to show up on time for workouts, cooperate during runs, and stay awake during spins. i look forward to our time together and hope that our time will be mutually beneficial. please feel free to talk to me at any time with any concerns or if you wish to change the benefits package for overtime compensation.
much love,
~danban
i know you've been on vacation for a little over 2 months now but i'd like to request that you attempt to focus on your tasks at hand. i don't believe this is too much to ask but am willing to work with you on this. i promise not to overwork you and in such cases as overtime is needed i vow to reward with time in the hot tub, a massage, or something of the like. i feel this is a valid compromise for both of us and would appreciate if you would begin to show up on time for workouts, cooperate during runs, and stay awake during spins. i look forward to our time together and hope that our time will be mutually beneficial. please feel free to talk to me at any time with any concerns or if you wish to change the benefits package for overtime compensation.
much love,
~danban
4/20/09
building a better relationship
this week marks another milestone and this one isn't just a milestone for this year but a milestone with my unhealthy relationship with food. i've had a very love/hate relationship with food and eating for double digits worth of years and i'm consciously making a decision to improve my thoughts/feelings around eating.
it started in junior high when i secluded myself into my room with a good book and a snack or two or three or four or. . . . i was hiding from the world and the best way to escape at that time was to escape into someone else's adventure. . . . someone else's life. i gained a lot of weight and didn't care at all. wasn't self-conscious about it or what others thought of me.
during high school i became more aware of other's perceptions of how i looked and it started to affect how i felt about myself. i didn't do a whole lot to change my eating habits and started to feel a little lost in the world of soccer player friends i'd had. one low point i remember is trying out for varsity and getting laughed at by some underclassmen by the way i jiggled. after only making jv, i started changing the way i ate and dressed. i ate less and dressed to cover what was there.
in college, i got myself so busy i didn't have time to eat. to start the day, i'd have some oatmeal or a granola bar if i remembered. i'd pack a slim fast bar or two and head out for a good 10 hours on campus barely pausing to eat. if i got really hungry i'd get a granola bar on campus to supplant another slim fast bar or an actual meal. i would scavange some sort of dinner when i got home but usually ended up eating a veggie salad with some gorganzola and called it good enough. yes, there were times where i'd actually go out to eat (LOVE Lenny's) or share a pizza with someone. i was constantly on the move, working too many hours, over-involved with martial arts, and barely saw my roommates unless they visited at the pub or Greetings.
one of the worst spells when i lived in houston for an internship. i was seeing a nutritionist, a personal trainer, and counting every calorie to attempt to stay at a 6 or even down to a 4 at one point. i was obsessed with what i ate/drank and the obsession was actually kind of scary looking back at it. when i got back to school, i realized that was not working for me and i couldn't continue to live my life in fear of food. i resumed my previous diet and felt "better".
i didn't eat minimalistically on intentionally to lose weight but it worked for exactly that purpose for the most part. i sustained this type of diet through to DC and actually gave up breakfast altogether when i got a "real" job. i ate more of a lunch than just a slim fast bar but my diet wasn't that much better than the college routine. up til about 2/3 months ago, i didn't realize that this type of diet/lifestyle wasn't actually healthy. i thought it was fine cause it was sustaining the weight if not losing a couple of pounds here or there. wow - i was WRONG!
i was eating just to get by not because i actually enjoyed it. i'd grown an idea that if i ate in front of people, and ate the wrong things or too much of something, they'd think "oh THAT is why she's overweight". i've had a very distorted perception of what i look like throughout the years no matter if i was a size 12 or a size 6. in the mirror, i have always been a size 16. these thoughts aren't normal (i've come to find out) and i'm working on seeing myself as others see me instead of as a continuously overweight and generally unattractive person.
i went to see Kim Mueller and she put together a plan for me and this week starts the time in my life when i'm going to eat as i ought to eat. i'm going to get healthy foods into my body and i'm sure at some point this will become fun/enjoyable. i need to get to the point where i don't judge myself for what i eat and how often. today is day one in what is going to be a life altering change!
~danban
it started in junior high when i secluded myself into my room with a good book and a snack or two or three or four or. . . . i was hiding from the world and the best way to escape at that time was to escape into someone else's adventure. . . . someone else's life. i gained a lot of weight and didn't care at all. wasn't self-conscious about it or what others thought of me.
during high school i became more aware of other's perceptions of how i looked and it started to affect how i felt about myself. i didn't do a whole lot to change my eating habits and started to feel a little lost in the world of soccer player friends i'd had. one low point i remember is trying out for varsity and getting laughed at by some underclassmen by the way i jiggled. after only making jv, i started changing the way i ate and dressed. i ate less and dressed to cover what was there.
in college, i got myself so busy i didn't have time to eat. to start the day, i'd have some oatmeal or a granola bar if i remembered. i'd pack a slim fast bar or two and head out for a good 10 hours on campus barely pausing to eat. if i got really hungry i'd get a granola bar on campus to supplant another slim fast bar or an actual meal. i would scavange some sort of dinner when i got home but usually ended up eating a veggie salad with some gorganzola and called it good enough. yes, there were times where i'd actually go out to eat (LOVE Lenny's) or share a pizza with someone. i was constantly on the move, working too many hours, over-involved with martial arts, and barely saw my roommates unless they visited at the pub or Greetings.
one of the worst spells when i lived in houston for an internship. i was seeing a nutritionist, a personal trainer, and counting every calorie to attempt to stay at a 6 or even down to a 4 at one point. i was obsessed with what i ate/drank and the obsession was actually kind of scary looking back at it. when i got back to school, i realized that was not working for me and i couldn't continue to live my life in fear of food. i resumed my previous diet and felt "better".
i didn't eat minimalistically on intentionally to lose weight but it worked for exactly that purpose for the most part. i sustained this type of diet through to DC and actually gave up breakfast altogether when i got a "real" job. i ate more of a lunch than just a slim fast bar but my diet wasn't that much better than the college routine. up til about 2/3 months ago, i didn't realize that this type of diet/lifestyle wasn't actually healthy. i thought it was fine cause it was sustaining the weight if not losing a couple of pounds here or there. wow - i was WRONG!
i was eating just to get by not because i actually enjoyed it. i'd grown an idea that if i ate in front of people, and ate the wrong things or too much of something, they'd think "oh THAT is why she's overweight". i've had a very distorted perception of what i look like throughout the years no matter if i was a size 12 or a size 6. in the mirror, i have always been a size 16. these thoughts aren't normal (i've come to find out) and i'm working on seeing myself as others see me instead of as a continuously overweight and generally unattractive person.
i went to see Kim Mueller and she put together a plan for me and this week starts the time in my life when i'm going to eat as i ought to eat. i'm going to get healthy foods into my body and i'm sure at some point this will become fun/enjoyable. i need to get to the point where i don't judge myself for what i eat and how often. today is day one in what is going to be a life altering change!
~danban
4/14/09
a new season
well this week signifies a shift in the life of the danban......training begins again! tonight, time with bri at 24 and at least an hour of an aerobic workout (running/elipse/stationary bike). tomorrow, master swim with kb in la jolla. thurs, repeat of today. friday will be a spin to see how the knee will respond on sat. flat (as much as it can be) ride up the coast to get my legs back under me. sun will be another aerobic workout. of course this all depends on how much my knee cooperates and any of the aerobic workouts can be substituted for yoga if the knee craps out on me. there my friends is the plan and you're welcome to hold me to it!
i've had enough of the complaicency and am ready to get moving again. i need to get my butt in gear for V-man since my little sis is going to come and cheer me on and i wanna do myself proud on that day once again. and honestly, i'm just tired of feeling so lazy! yes, i know i needed to keep myself stationary for a while to let my knee heel but enough is enough!! no, i won't over do it and i will listen to my knee when it tells me enough is enough. i'm just getting excited to start training for V-man again and this week starts it off.
this weekend was a weekend of another type of discovery. i'm no longer going to allow people into my life that see me as a friend of convienence. what i mean by that is that i have people in my life that seem to just find it purposeful to have me around once in a while when it serves their current needs best. i'm not saying these people behave this way malisciously or on purpose....in fact, i believe they don't even realize they treat others this way. what i've found that's interesting is that they seem to befriend each other and that works for them but i'm getting out of the tangle altogether. i'm not saying i'm going to cut anyone out of my life that i don't see or talk to on a regular basis but what i'm saying is that i'm not going to be walked over any longer by friend or family member. comes down to that age old addage.....do unto others......
~danban
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