i was a training machine

this weekend full o training was quite surprising considering my foul moods as of late and my general frustrations with myself. i got in on friday night after a week in pittsburgh which was not the most exciting of times but not bad either. i'm finally feeling better but now acclimated to the east coast times so i'm exhausted by the time i get in and get home. i barely stumble around my apartment getting stuff ready for saturday including our train times, txt'ing ryan, and writing down directions so we're not lost in LA! got to sleep finally around 9:30 (yes, i've turned into granny banny but whatevs) and was well rested for saturday morning.

saturday morning rolls around and i'm up at 6:15 and feeling good (still remnants of the east coast time otherwise i'd be dragging i promise). i grab my gear and head to the train station cause i know we have to be on the platform pretty early to catch the train. ryan and i got our stuff together and go to buy tickets and the ladies tell us "good luck catching the train" right as the whistles are blowing and the train is pulling up! we haul as much ass as we can in bike shoes across the bridge and make it down the elevator and onto the train just before it's getting ready to leave. good thing too cause we'd be waiting for another hour if we hadn't caught it!! the train ride was nice and it was good to have that time to make sure everything was prepped.

the ride down from capistrano was actually a lot more fun than i thought especially considering we were going into headwinds the entire ride. when we rode through pendleton we even thought about commandeering a tank, dodging a few rounds, and hitting up some of the obstacle courses!! we rode through a party in oceanside and thought about stopping for a beer and having bri pick us up! we added the rancho santa fe loop in to make the mileage more like 60 though with a few twists and turns we ended up doing more lik 65 - oops!! ryan was great company the whole time and i learned a lot more about him and how much more similar we are than i previously thought. after our ride we hit up B&L after a long convo with some TNT'ers and i got some snazzy new sunglasses since i lost mine in pittsburgh somewhere. i swear i never leave that place and am able to spend less than $100. i gotta stop going there!! ryan and i then hit up chief's for some frings and burgers where katie b joined us to have a glass of tea. all in all, great afternoon!

headed home after the ride and got cleaned up to go to paul's party only to find out on my way there that i was going to be retardedly early cause bri had the time mixed up! we hung at jenn's a bit then bri and i headed to the LLS office to get his bike back. coach g and a few of the crew was there to chill with until the bikes arrived. i begged iris into going back to jenn's though on the way we had to pause for a little shoppin in honor of paul's b-day! we had some turkey tacos and marty brought some ribs and it was generally a phenomenal evening until b.gunn went a little overboard with a gold bikini (yes, there are proof pics and no i will not post 'em!)!! the boys were a little too enthusiastic about it so bri went and changed. i ended up at home somewhere around 10:30 and off to sleepy town cause sunday promised to be HUGE!

i awoke at quarter til 7 and started to get ready for my long run. i knew my route as i'd looked up the extra 3 miles i thought i needed to make a 13 mile excursion i was about to embark on. with everything absolutely necessary for this journey, i headed out around 7:30 and began my trek slowly as to warm up since it was a tiny bit chilly out. with my new sunglasses on my vineman visor and my zoots on my feet i flew down to leucadia and felt gooooood! my legs were warmed up and i didn't feel the need to do any stretching as is usually my deal between miles 1 and 2. i hit the hills of leucadia and felt a little of the fatigue that was inevitable from the 65 miler on saturday but still felt pretty good! i cruised on down to starbucks off of el camino to refill water and had a few gu's on the way and never felt terribly fatigued. around the 5 overpass at manchester i finally felt it.....overwhelming leg fatigue that i'd attributed to the bike ride and it's hills. it was a creeping feeling that i ignored for a long while and then it just built until it was a bit of a struggle to keep running when i hit my 3 mile extension back up toward encinitas. i was actually hurtin when running back from H street and found myself struggling to run down hill!! i made it through without any major complications and overall it was a great run with a few bumps and bruises but i was no worse for the wear and tear.

i headed over to the filpi's for d's birthday, mimosas, beer, and football. i seriously heart haging out with these two!! lots of food and relaxation and lots of comments on my insanity and it finally dawns on me that i should check my actual mileage. i couldn't believe my eyes when i'd mapped out my course.......i'd managed to talk my legs into 15.6 miles!!!! i'd accidentally overshot my run by 2.6 miles! cb asked me today how that was even possible and honestly it's cause i'd though the loop up to leucadia and down to manchester was only 10 miles when in fact it was much closer to 12......oops!!!!

phenomenal weekend pople, phenomenal weekend :0)
~danban

not so bad

so i went swimming yesterday and for the first time in a long time it really wasn't so bad. i was swimmin in a pool in pittsburgh and lost myself in concentrating on my stroke. i was thinking about how to make it comfortable yet be uncomfortable the way that luke wants it to be and the next thing i knew i had NO clue how long i'd been in the water and what distance i'd swum. i stopped and stretched for a bit and then kept on goin. i think i was in the water for sometime over an hour and felt good about it. i still need to get the hand thingies that luke recommends and some new goggles but i am on the right swimming track these days which is beyond refreshing since i'm not a huge fan of it :0)

~danban

a small little p.s.

after reading the last couple of posts you may think that i'm not happy at the moment but no, i am not depressed or upset. just thinking and writing and pondering and wondering and attempting to figure it out on blog. read it if you want but it's merely an internal reflection as all of my posts are.

~danban

oh and a bit of motivation just hit my door from cb's quote......it does not matter how slow you go as long as you do not stop (confucius)

wipeout

i heart wipeout. i know it's goofy and stupid but it's HILARIOUS. it's one of the few things that i've found that consistently makes me laugh out loud. there are lots of comedies that are rated as phenomenal and people talk incessantly about how they laughed out loud but i usually find them dumb or just ok. but wipeout is a whole other beast! it reminds me of the stuff on q4 and the sheer stupidity of the obstacles these people put themselves through makes me holler with laughter! i seriously almost pee my pants when i watch it!

for no reason in particular it makes me think of the obstacles that people throw in their own paths. no, i'm no exception and i fully am aware of the blocks i stick in front of my own face. i have a tendency to be far too hard on myself in many respects. yes, i should take it easy on myself but this is the way i've kept myself motivated and continue to attempt to better myself and situation in life....by challenging myself. maybe i am a bit harsh though it's been difficult lately to not be for no particular reason. i am not at all good at expressing my emotions or talking to people about how i'm feeling and i have a tendency to end up pushing people away cause they end up getting bored or annoyed with me. it's on par with taking compliments for me - i'm just not good at either. these are things i'm working on yet for some odd reason i just don't seem to be getting out of my own way. none of this quite makes sense cause lately i've been feeling lonely even in a crowd though i don't know who to turn to because i refuse to really talk about it. kinda stupid and funny if you think about the overall picture. i refuse to talk to people yet i feel lonely. one hell of a conundrum isn't it?!

so i find that i've been overcommitting myself so that i don't find myself in that lonely place yet it's one that can't really be avoided no matter how hard i try. cause it's not the company on the outside that i'm craving it's the acceptance within to just be myself even by myself. i think i've just exhausted myself with too many obligations and not allowed myself the time to sit and relax and breathe for even a moment. which just leaves me wiped out in the literal sense. kind of a confusing loop isn't it?! well, it's going to change becuase i am tired of it. just be patient cause it's going to be a slow meander as i often tend to do and please don't take it personally if i seem like an ass from time to time. i probably don't even know i'm behaving that way!

~danban

lone ranger and her tonto

one of the worst decisions i've made in a while was to do the great western loop this past weekend after being sick all week. we start off and we head back toward the west (we're taking it counter-clock wise) and i'm actually feeling pretty good. i'm having no problems keeping up with katie b and chris and i feel bad cause i'm leaving joanna by herself. i felt bad mostly cause i kept saying how i was going to probably be keeping her company the whole time blah blah i'm so slow blah blah blah and i found myself actually keeping pace if not breaking to stay with katie b and chris! i hadn't expected it and attributed it to my Guru getting a tune up at B&L!! then as we're movin and it seems to still be around the flat-ish parts of the ride i find that all of a sudden i can't keep up and i'm weezing and my legs aren't working any longer. so i instinctively look down at my bike and think, WTF? i'm positive that it has to be my bike and then i realize that it's user error and that it's my body that's now refusing to go and this is baaaaaaad news considering we're not even a quarter into one of the hardest rides a cyclist can undertake in the southern cali area. now joanna is passing me and i'm starting to get frustrated. i talk myself down and realize that it has to be my lungs refusing to work after being down all week and i'm mentally kicking myself for not going solo on the coast. we hit the hills and i'm done. i mean physically my body refuses to respond to what my mind is telling me we HAVE to do. i'm actully contemplating turning around, getting back into my car, and driving back to the coast to ride solo.

i power on and i'm by myself through the first of the inclines. i'm trying to keep just a steady pace and get my legs to warm up/find a rythm. i'm seriously having problems keeping myself on my bike and have concerns that my legs won't carry me up the hill when i reach the top and see the others just past the stop sign. i've fully prepared myself to ride solo the whole time so i see this as an unnecessary stop on their part and get a little flustered cause i wanted to take this at my own pace considering my pace is slower than normal. this is one of the times where riding solo probably would have been beneficial to those around me. i blow past 'em and katie b asks if i want to stop or if i've even had nutrition. at this point, i already want to get the ride over with so i yell NO and keep on truckin so my legs don't get the impression it's ok to stop. when they catch up, it's just past one incline and around the bend to another so i stop and attempt to let them pass and katie b got the impression i was upset so she stops and i really really just wanted to keep going so i attempt (very out of breath) to convince her i'm fine and just want them to go ahead and pass me cause i don't want to worry about it on the incline where there is NO shoulder and no clue if cars will be approaching. i finally get them going and start up after them and convince my legs once again it's ok to keep on keepin on.

it was a struggle to keep my legs pumping and there were actually moments when i wanted to get off my bike and just effing walk but as stubborn as i am i wouldn't let myself do that so i made it up every inclide and was not happy during any single moment of it. there were even moments of concern that i would just fall over on my bike and not make it through the whole ride! this was monumentally difficult as i've never ever ever ever felt any of this stuff before cause i've always been easily able to tackle anything even with a bitch and a whine. this was beyond my physical ability and became a pure testiment of will. i blew by the crew again at a little country store and again katie b implored me to stop though i really really really didn't want to cause i wasn't sure how much was left in my legs, will power, or mental stability at that point. she screamed about how we were half way and it was all down hill from there and i screamed back "except for this fuckin hill in front of me" as i'm dreading the next incline.

i ride on and on and on and keep wondering when they're going to catch up cause i knew they were gonna yet they never did. so i reach the top of a nice steep incline and stop to make sure i know the directions. i wait for a few minutes and they still haven't shown so i turn around disparing that i've missed the turn and will have to back track and cover more mileage than my legs are willing. after a few miles i see them and curse a LOT cause i was on the correct route and now i have to backtrack again which my legs are NOT happy about considering the incline i now have to climb again. i make sure to be in the back of the pack again and climb again. i'm doing ok until i go to get a drink out of my water bottle and the entire lid comes off and spills half of my remaining water on the ground. i curse and seriously drop my spirits as i'm about 10 ft from the top of the hill again. i get going after a bit of screaming and begin to cry in dispair as i'm seriously not sure any longer that my legs and will can propel me forward. i have never cried on my bike before but i am in dispair at this point and all alone. it dawns on me as i see that the crew is at least 3 miles ahead of me that this reflects so many moments in my life when i've had to mentally move myself forward when i felt i could no longer move. i've had to go solo and get myself out of a tough situation. i've had to rely on myself to just get over it and make it through whatever i felt was insurmountable. and it dawns on me that will probably always be the case and i'd better get used to it. harsh but that's my life. so i keep on truckin and of course i made it through my mental barriers and my physical ones. again, the stubbornness kicks in!

we eventually make it back to the cars and i'm exhausted but katie b wants me to go with to another tri club bbq. i'm not so sure about this but i say ok so we head to my place for a quick shower and change. we make it to don's and a lot of people are there and have been drinking for quite a while. the bbq actually was ok, i talked with a few people (some odd some ok) and had some good food. katie b and i were eventually freezing and headed to my place to change but we got a little comfy and tired and decided to have a salad and chill at my place with a movie and sleep.

sunday we had some breakfast and ended up strolling down to see a surf competition and attempt to get in touch with the boys to see how they did at their races. we walked back to b&l to see if they had our shoes and ended up hanging out with momo for a while. eventually we head to my place and i go back to b&l to drop off my bike for the week (they're gonna baby sit him and show him some love :0) i seriously didn't feel like hanging out again with katie b and crew so i ended up running that evening for about 7.5 to 7.75 miles at a decent pace. got some laundry done and packed for pittsburgh.

interesting weekend and lots to mull over.

~danban

much gratitude

i've been in a sour mood as of late.....well, just moody in general and in my current sickly drug educed state it occurs to me that i have a hell of a lot to be grateful for these days and i just wanted to share that with everyone out there.

i have the most amazing best friend in katie b who is willing to put up with my whining, encourage me when i'm kicking myself in the gut, listen when i need an ear, find a tissue when i need to break down into tears, high five when the run gets tough, beach cruise even when the drunkness prohibits it, and make soup when i feel terrible even though i'm sick enough i can't sit and enjoy it with her. she has endless patience with me and for that i am forever surprised, grateful, and overjoyed. i am blessed to have her in my life and i'm SURE she knows that her friendship and love mean the world to me :0)

i have another amazing best friend in b.gunn who has endless patience and will stay up to the wee hours of the night chatting or watching heroes with me. he is my gps when i get lost, my 411 when i need a number, a willing ear to listen when i just wanna gab, and a great training partner who is willing to hang out with me when i'm having a bad training day. thanks b.gunn!!

i have phenomenal co-workers who keep me sane through this ever stressful work environment. we help each other when we need a laugh, we help each other find a solution when it seems impossible, we pour on the vodka when someone can't taste enough, and we are strong support when someone is down. they are a wonderful place for support and laughter and i am blessed to have found such a crew to become my family!!

i have a truly amazing family who is as diverse as the rainforest!! we are well traveled, we have our bumps and bruises, we have the gnarliest of fights, yet through it all we stand as a family through thick and thin. they may not always seem present though they are there should i actually decide to pick up the phone. i don't know that i tell them often enough how much they mean to me.

i choose to surround myself with the utmost loving, hilarious, steadfast, and most unpredictable crew of friends who constantly keep me on my toes and a smile on my face. and in that crowd there is one that keeps me grounded more than most. he reminds me that a little trouble in my life is a good thing and that there is a world beyond that which i ball my stress and frustrations into. he reminds me that it is a good thing to let go and just relax sometimes. i can completely be me with him and i cannot express my gratitude to him. for the others in the crowd, they are as much my support as i hope i am for them. i know that at times i am not the best at keeping in touch though i am always here for a laugh or a hug :0)

i hope that this post finds all of you well and happy on this day of rememberance and thankfulness. i know that this day can be very touchy for some though i like to think of it as a day to be grateful for those who are here with me now.

with much love,
~danban

holy moly!!

this past weekend, like many others lately, was abso-frekkin-lutely packed. packed with non-stop excitement, good music, great friends, and good times. friday night was supposed to be filled with swimming but ended up being happy hour time/time with the klea's. missy and i hit up claim jumper first since no one else was going to be able to make it til later and missy had a softball game that she had to leave early-ish for. we sat and chat and waited for cindy to show. good conversations and cindy only added to it. eventually missy left and elaine showed up and cindy ordered a carrot cake that was huge and so yummy. i had a bite or two but cindy polished most of it off and pretty quickly too!! she and i decided to head back to her place for some hot tubbing til brian got home from a work trip. it was a nice and relaxing evening but i got home kinda late considering the malarchy that katie b had planned for us on saturday.

woke up saturday and was feeling a bit tired but ok considering that i had a long day of workin out ahead of me. met up with katie b at 7:30 and found out that my back tire was once again flat....wtf?! i've had far far far too many flats and bike problems as of late so i am worried cause i don't want this to become a trend during longhorn half. i get my tire changed and after much bumbling and fumbling (and katie b muttering - what is with you today?) we get movin around 15 after 8. i felt like something was terribly terribly wrong. it felt like i was dragging a dead, week long in a bog bloated, body behind me on my bike. plus there was a fun but not good new vibration under my butt from my back tire rubbing. i had to pull over THREE times to get this all sorted out and still felt my badonka donk dragging. needless to say i was NOT happy with at least the first half of the first bike on the double brick. i was cursing and spewing all sorts of profanities that would've made a prison lifer blush. eventually, i met some characters out on the road, my legs got used to the extra pull and i just worked through it. i ended up pulling on cyclist on the way out and three on the way back to solana beach! it was funny cause none of them said anything until they turned off my wheel and yelled "thanks for the lift!". maybe those were the dead bodies i was pulling?!?!! well, not quite but it's one excuse!
i get back to my car after prolly more than 80 minutes and had a decent t1 considering we had to pack our bikes into our cars. i head out and felt ok though my legs needed a bit to warm up. i was out about a quarter of the way and stopped for a minute to stretch. it felt good and my legs felt better so i was cruisin til i hit my 20 min mark and stopped to stretch again. i saw katie b on my way out and relished in the cheers!! on the way back, i felt a little strain in the legs but knew i needed to drop back a sec to let my legs just stay warm since i needed to repeat the whole process when i got back to the car. slight hiccup on the way back to the car and i ended up needing a pit stop (potty break) before starting the bike again.

the bike out on the second run of the brick wasn't so bad and again, i ended up pulling three cyclists that didn't say anything til the thanks yell when they turned. i also got to ride with a girl who was pushing around 20mph to get to oceanside to meet her hubby. it was nice to be with someone around a pace that i could do and sort of push considering my legs were starting to get tired. she was super nice and it was great to have someone to ride with for a bit. on the return trip i was starting to just be over the whole ride. i was getting hungry (yes, bad sign) and just ready to be done with the workout for the day.
got back and changed quickly to get on my last run and just get it done. met katie b about 5 mins into it and got a little side five of encouragement as she was pushing through her last tiny stretch of her run. stopped to stretch in the same spot i had stopped earlier (quarter way through) and took a minute longer to stretch as i could feel my legs getting fatigued. the run out wasn't so bad and at the turn around where i was cooling off and stretching i even got a compliment on my zoot ali'i shoes :0) the run back was a bit more of a challenge. my legs were getting tired, i was over the workout, i was hungry, and it was getting hot out. i walked a part of the uphill to get to via de la valle but ran the rest of it thus adhering to the agreement i made with myself at vineman and seem to still be holding myself accountable. i was glad to get the run over and reached my car that had a little note of congrats from katie b.

we hit up b&l to see if our new zoots were in and then headed to naked for some food. naked seriously has some of my favorite breakfast food - well, just favorite food in general! i had my usual and katie b had her usual as we relaxed into the rest of our day. i took my Guru back to b&l for the guys to gander at since i no longer felt like shimmying to a stop or dragging extra baggage behind me. we seriously ended up hanging out for like and hour while a series of changes and rides and mutterings and changes and rides and three techs went through to figure out wtf was wrong with the Guru!! it was fun to hang out and i'm seriously thrilled that the Guru is back in action. i could not be more greatful to the guys there and will see them soon for a tune up!!

katie b and i said our bye's as i needed to go home and get ready for dinner with the filpi's and super diamond at the belly up (which is quickly becoming one of my favorite venues). we ate at the restaurant that is attached to the belly up. it is a very nice place with phenomenal food plus you get to get in the "back entrance" to the belly up and don't have to wait in line. which means you can get a good table to see your show! we got a decent couple of tables and had a few cocktails waiting for cover me badd's blasphemous guitars to come on stage. they are HILARIOUS!! i highly recommend you go and see them somewhere in sd if you haven't. they take classic tunes and re-invent the lyrics from another classic song and mix 'em. they're a total trip and will seriously have you clutching your sides by the end of their set!

super diamond FINALLY came on stage and it was crush at first sight. the lead singer is not only a total cutie but also sings just like NEIL!!! thus the insta crush and all i can say is that his wife/girlfriend/sig other is so lucky!! anyway, they all rocked! they came onstage with sequened shirts with all kinds of fringe etc and totally played to the crowd. i had no idea the filpi trio was SO into neil and they had no idea i was a huge fan. we were all screaming out the lyrics, dancing, and calling our best friends to share in the love o neil and super diamond :0)

sunday was a day filled with football, food, and hangover remedies. i get to the filpi's around 10ish to find that the girls are out on an excursion and the boys are prepping for a day o football. the girls got back about an hour later and jess was WAY hung over.....we wouldn't find out how hungover till toward the end of the day when her total time downstairs was far far far less than her time upstairs. i felt terrible for her but we were all confused as to how she was that hung over since she didn't seem to have had THAT much the night before. anyway, the food was phenomenal, the company was phenomenal, and it was one of the better and more relaxing days i've allowed myself to have in a month or two. i think it was just the change of scenery and the fact that i haven't seen these people in at least 3 to 4 months which is just plain sad. we did get in some girlie game time, i got to see a bit of football with the boys, and had some good catch up time with everyone there. cole kept us on our toes the whole day (except with a parent at the park) which added a nice bit of extra entertainment to the day!!

all in all, GREAT weekend :0)

~danban