movin and shakin

far different than any other move in my life has been the one that is currently ongoing. as i mentioned to my man last night, i've typically be the type to move all my stuff in one maybe two days then in the span of a week or less get it all unpacked, put away, and organized so i once again feel comfortable in my home. this has not been quite that process.......

since this is far more of a permanent move, there are more things to consider than where i put my stuff. now i've got to bounce ideas off another person and see how they land. also consider his alternatives and see what we come up with. there's not just organizing my room cause it's now shared space and there's a lot more of it! it's integration of mine with his and even adding some of ours into the mix.

it's a very odd process and not one that i've had to attempt before. it's taking longer than i normally do to move and settle in though it's been fun in the process! i've been all over the place emotionally though i don't think i've been too difficult to put up with thus far :) i'm very excited to see how it all settles out and when it's all said and done, we'll have people over to celebrate! definitely new and very exciting things so far for 2011!

~danban

the best laid plans can backfire

it all started out so well.......best of intentions.......best laid plans.......and then it almost literally exploded!

like the truly responsible person i am, i started the evening with an hour's worth of torture (otherwise known as plyometrics). after sweating at least a small part of my ass off and most likely severely pissing off the person in the room below me as i'm jumping and pouncing around my room, i set about making dinner.

thus the best laid plan! dinner: balsamic chicken, spinach and feta stuffed mushrooms, and broiled pesto tomatoes.....mmmmmm delisc! was intended to be a wonderful evening of workout, dinner, a little criminal minds, bubble bath, reading then to bed. my reality was somewhat different........

the balsamic chicken asked for two cloves of garlic (yes two whole cloves) and in an effort to be super healthy i decided i could use fresh garlic. plus there's another recipe that i want to cook later in the week that wanted two cloves as well so i set about chopping it all cause why not chop 4 if i already had to do 2 right?!?! oh WRONG! so, an hour after beginning this quest i had all of it to it's raw and wonderful form, half of it chopped, and hated every last little diced piece cause it seemed to be reproducing or at least never ending. by now it was 8:30 and i was STARVING.

second issue with the chicken was that i happened to notice as i was cooking it that the garlic, rosemary (also fresh - dunno why i decided to try to go gourmet), salt, and pepper was supposed to sit on the chicken in the fridge overnight - oops!! oh well fuck it, i'm hungry and moving on.

third issue with the chicken was that i was supposed to use non stick cooking spray and of course had none. had one pan which i was attempting to figure out how to share that with the broiled tomatoes....again, whatever moving on cause i'm hungry. actually at that point i think i decided to give up on the tomatoes cause i was too hungry to be bothered with them at this point. so, naturally i poured some olive oil on the bottom so the chicken wouldn't stick, put the rub of garlic etc on the chicken, a little more olive oil on the top to keep it from drying, and stuck it in the oven. off to tackle the mushrooms......

the recipe called for frozen spinach and you're supposed to plop it into the pan once the water is boiling. well, that can be difficult when you only have two pans and one is huge but the other is tiny. managed to get the spinach into the pan though also managed to splash boiling water all over the kitchen and my shirt! i suppose i was just trying to warm up in this frozen land of albany?

at this point i figure i should check the chicken........which now had burning garlic and rosemary and filled the kitchen with a little smoke! i can handle this! i turn on the ventilation van to high and figure that has to take care of it.

back to the mushrooms! got the stems sauteed and put into the pan with the spinach for the stuffing part of the mushrooms. got the tops of the mushrooms into the pan to cook and figured i was good for a while and that dinner was finally coming together. wrong again!!

the olive oil starts really flaring up and i can't for the life of me figure out why. well, it's cause some had slopped into the tops and that was now spilling into the pan and throwing up showers of magma made of oil all over the kitchen.....yippee!!

i figure fine, i'll flip it over so i'm cooking the tops cause that's gotta keep the lava from spewing out of the pan and all over my arms, the stove, etc. well, that took about a half an effing hour cause it's a LOT harder to flip the tops of mushrooms over than i'd ever imagined cause the tops are round and they like to flip back to where they were splashing yet more hot liquid mess all over the damn place!!

i get 'em all flipped over and about done cooking when i look around the room and low and behold the entire room is filled with smoke! a realllllllllllllly bad idea when you're in a hotel room with a kitchen and lots of smoke detectors and sprinklers!! of course i'm panicking that i'm about to set the alarms off for the whole complex of rooms in my section thus soaking everything i own, they own, and severely pissing off a group of sleeping people........mind you at this point it's 9:30, i'm in albany, and i'm sure they're all asleep by this point.

like a mad woman i opened the door letting in freezing winds and start flapping a towel around to attempt to encourage the smoke to go out the door and not toward the detectors! quite a hilarious sight i'm sure though i was frantic at the time.

with most of the smoke out of the way, i finally assemble the mushrooms of which i bought way too small of caps so after loading them up i still had half the spinach mix left and you couldn't really see that there were mushrooms under the mix but fuck it, i finally had something on the damn plate!

after putting the chicken alongside the mushrooms, i drizzled the chicken with a bit of balsamic, and realized that it actually didn't look half bad! and much to my amazement was actually quite tasty. sorry i do not have any video of the fiasco though i did take pics of the mountain of dishes and the dinner itself and will post them if i get the chance.

hope i brought a bit of entertainment into your life with my attempts at gourmet cooking :) i did learn a valuable lesson.........cooking is best done in pairs and i'm excited for mine to be here soon!

~danban

reflections

it's hard to know how to describe 2010.....it was a year of beginnings and endings and I'd describe it all as bittersweet........

words cannot describe how lucky i feel to have an amazingly loving, supportive, and handsome man in my life. we were able to celebrate our 1st year together in october in paso. life is so simple, sweet, fulfilling, and adventurous these days. i feel truly blessed to be so happily situated in my 31st year :) i'm excited for the trips and adventures we have planned in the upcoming year and for what the future in general holds for us.

obviously, there were some events this year that kept it rocky though not entirely horrific. there are memories that we wish could fade faster than they will and memories we'll wish we could have that will now never happen. for that our lives will forever be altered though we'll continue to live our lives as though we're still being provided a little guidance along the way.

the message that speaks to me most this time of year is surprisingly my own from two years ago. with a little adaptation, it still passes for life and my thoughts today.

****************************************************

it's the year's end and inspiration for reflection is all around. how do we make sense of the chaos of daily life? how do we find purpose in the small things, humor in the most unlikely of places, and the determination to make it through daily living without complete collapse or insanity?

we look for solace in relationships with others and through that within ourselves. but what happens when that person is no longer there? what happens when the shoulder you turned to is no where to be found? we're amazing creatures who change and adapt with our surroundings yet never seem to be able to get past what could have been or what massive undertakings are upcoming. so the question is, can you accept what has been and use it to create better things in the future? is that the dream or just a way to survive the passing days?

such questions and thoughts swirl through my brain and i answer some and leave others to ponder for another day. in the end, i know i choose to live life to the fullest i see fit and what works for me may not work for you. i hope that those who i love know it even if i don't say the words often enough. those who are no longer with me are always in my thoughts and the impact they've left will not be forgotten. this time of year is about love and hope......keep those things in your heart the whole year through and the days are more than bearable.....they're actually enjoyable.

A little message for the year's end from Ryan........

Dear 2010: Your services are no longer required and we respectfully ask that you vacate the premises by the end of the day. Do not expect references. Thanks.

~danban

no right way to go

have you ever been in a situation where you know that no matter what you do, you'll most likely be completely wrong?! it feels a little out of control and you attempt to help the situation by suggesting a plan of action only to silence the whole room? the crazy thing is that there is no right or wrong answer and the situation itself is just messed up but it feels like something needs to be done though there's nothing left to do or say. silence isn't quite right so of course the next plan of action has to be made but for every plan there are thousands of consequences most of which aren't obvious or clear. feeling lost like this is just frustrating and exhausting.

talking to others not in the situation is hard too cause it seems at this point they're tired of hearing it so there's no one to call. the one person to call is out of the country so continuing on aimlessly is about all that can be done. it's very disheartening to be in this position and i want so badly to make it better but know i can't. best i can do is just point my head to the heavens and scream in frustration, put my head back down, clear it the best i can, and move on to the next day.

i know that this too shall pass and that 2011 will be easier and better than 2010. just hard to move past this feeling with no relief in sight just yet. i'm continuing to look forward to Tahoe, Bloomington, Vegas, and wherever else this new year will take me knowing that the memories and experiences that i have will continue to lift my spirits and prove that in 2011 life is getting better.

cheers,

danban

a little perspective

Mayonnaise Jar & Two Beers..

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him..

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.


He then asked the students if the jar was full.


They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly.


The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.


He then asked the students again if the jar was full.


They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.


Of course, the sand filled up everything else.


He asked once more if the jar was full.


The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed..

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.


The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else---the small stuff.


'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.


The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you..

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.


Spend time with your children.


Spend time with your parents.


Visit with grandparents..


Take time to get medical checkups.


Take your spouse out to dinner.


There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.


Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter.


Set your priorities.

The rest is just sand.


One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented.


The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'

The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

weekend update by the danban

it was a really good weekend i must admit! it started with gail and i taking a look at a place we may move to which turned out to be WAY too small and awkwardly built for us to be comfortable in. so we headed to tuscany for a glass of wine and to take a look at some properties she found online. i'm bitter sweet about moving. i'd prefer not as i'm comfortable (mostly) and the current house is kick arse. though it would be nice to get away from the other roommate and be able to expand into more of the house. as it is, i sometimes feel like a guest in my own home. if we do stay, that'll change or i'll find my own place. so, after a glass or two.....ok two glasses of wine we headed home and i swiftly headed off to see jodi and ryan at rock bottom in lj. a few beers and some hilarious conversation later we headed out. it was a relaxing evening and i'm glad for it!

saturday we ended up sleeping in a bit later than expected so decided to postpone the ride for sunday. we took boone and jax to the beach instead and jax had a great time!! boone still isn't so sure about the crowds, the other dogs, the water, basically the whole experience though he did seem to have a better time than last. jax had a great time in the water, chasing the other dogs, and running around in the sand! i think next weekend we're hitting the beach with all three dogs and ryan's parents!!

we headed out and back to my place to clean up for date night which turned out to be dinner at baracuda then wine and a movie at the house. the place was cool and the food was good. i liked the atmosphere even though it didn't seem to fit with downtown encinitas! would definitely recommend it for seafood and exotic foods.

went for our ride on sunday and it turned out ok i think. my legs felt better than i thought they would and it didn't hurt as much as i thought it might. i only got good and pissed off toward the end when the wind was ferocious and never ending. my legs were getting tired and i was getting hungry. definitely need to get better on the nutrition front for longer rides! training went well last week and i'm getting excited about the workouts which is a good turn of events and makes me smile!

we had dinner/wine with greg last night before he headed out for Hawaii. it's always good to catch up with him when he's in town and he's missed when he's out for work. it was another relaxing night last night and i'm not pumped to be at work but weekends like this past one makes the weeks more bearable!

so no, nothing ridiculously exciting but overall it was a good weekend! yes, i will be posting more and no it may not be exciting but feel free to read anyway :)
~danban

coming clean and looking forward

this is a confession of sorts so bear with me.....i've been a slacker over the last month. that's not to say that i haven't kept busy or that i haven't done anything with my time. i haven't been keeping to my training plan. i have been training (not nearly as much as i should) and i've been a bit chicken about telling my wonderful coach about where i'm slipping. i am spinning, i am running, i'm barely swimming, and i'm hitting the weight room. the weight is finally starting to slip off and i'm starting to find my legs again but a bit too late. next month, Santa Cruz is going to be painful. i'm aware of the fact that i won't be running the whole race. it saddens me and frustrates me that i couldn't motivate myself to do this for myself. yes, i will get a sub 2 hr half marathon but no this won't be it. i'm not delusional in thinking that i could still possibly pull this off.....i know it's not possible now.

i know that my coach will read this and that he and i need to talk about where my training is and where it's going. i do still want to hit my 6:15ish goal for vineman and that means that the communication has got to improve on my part. i have got to shift priorities and make this one of my top priorities. and it's not just that i've got to but that i want to.

i have a theory on why i've done what i've done ...... or not done. since my back became a huge pain i was slipping on the motivation. since the back issues i've slipped further to the point that i'm embarassed that i can no longer compete where i was. i know it's irrational to hold myself to those standards considering i had problems even sitting for more than 5 minutes in november. i get out and run or bike and just get frustrated with myself. occasionally i've used my injury to talk myself out of going past the limitations i'm setting for myself because of my fear of not reaching my goal. and the goals are just benchmarks to reach and i know that not hitting them or possibly exceeding them in the end won't do any lasting damage or have any huge impact other than understanding my footing in the triathlon world.

again, i know i'm being harder on myself than i should and i do occasionally have good days that look like they used to before any of this. i know that i needed to have cut myself some slack and realize that i was just starting over. well, that time has past and now i've got to just continue to follow the plan as best i can even if i'm slower than either myself or my coach would like.

this week i've seen a shift and it's about time that it happened. i've already gotten in workouts every day this week and am excited/scared for the ride on saturday. i know i have a lot of work and hard work to do to hit my time goal for vineman. we'll call it vindication for last year and for santa cruz and a great launching point for New Zealand which is still on the radar for 2011. i know that if i don't get over my fears of being slow, of not reaching potential, of looking like an idiot (which everyone in spandex does) then i'm lost to New Zealand. in the words of james, it's time to nut up or shut up.

i've been disappointed in myself over the last month and want so badly for that to shift back to what it was when this whole journey began. i want to find the fun in this sport again and not just beat myself up for hitting unrealistic expectations i've placed on myself. i'm ready to set out on a new adventure with triahtlon and have a patient partner by my side. it's time for this girl to really start hitting the road again even if it is a bit slower than i'd like. i know i've made declarations like this before and haven't made them realities. i have a real desire to get to New Zealand and race it well. i guess only time will really tell if i can pull this off this time. i am determined and that's the best i can be.

i'll see you on the road!
~danban