~danban
7/14/08
sorry i'm not here at the moment, can i take a message?
crushed. empty. heart broken. numb. tired. need a drink. can't still be real. monsters don't have myspace! ........... just thoughts that keep running through my head. that's about all that fills this brain these days. there's just a void in my chest and i keep feeling like i need to run around an check that all friends and family are ok cause i feel like i'm losing someone. then i remember i LOST someone. someone who really really really really really isn't coming back. one year later and i expect to hear his laugh. the bbq wasn't the same without a drop in to clean up the left overs that no one else could eat. he was bigger than life and someone decided that meant he shouldn't be on this earth. it makes no sense to me and i am selfish cause i just want him back. i find that today i can barely function. there's not much i do that doesn't make me think think think think of him and how empty the world seems without him in it. and i'm more transparent than ever about it. yesterday i saw kelly and she knew pretty much right away that something was wrong. currently i have my head phones on which i never do so that i don't have to talk to my co-workers cause i don't want to burst into tears like the emotional wreck i've turned into these days. i feel terrible about it cause i really do love my co-workers and i've been very fortunate to be paired with two of the most awesome people in this office. i just don't want to talk to anyone today which is BAD cause i have to go to client site at 1pm. i want to go home and sleep through the rest of this day and possibly the week. i sit back and am amazed by how much of a wreck i've turned into. this isn't me. this isn't how i handle stuff. i keep it in and don't allow it to affect anything especially work. i have a shield i wear to protect others from my pain. but i can't help it this time. it's too overwhelming and i want to re-create the day i found out. slip from my chair onto the floor and curl up into a ball under my desk and bawl until there are no more tears. i'm pretty sure that's the wrong way to handle it though so i'm working to keep my head from thinking thinking thinking thinking. seeing his name etched into marble was like a sucker punch. i couldn't breathe. i didn't want to think that all 6'4 of my friend could be behind such a tiny little piece of marble. how can all the wonderfulness and love that he was could be in such a small space?! doesn't seem possible at all. i miss him more than imaginable. so, please leave me in my haze a little longer. i promise to return eventually. until then........please leave a message and i'll return your call shortly.
~danban
~danban
7/11/08
addendum from bry for Tim
lyrics from the bravery:
"This Is Not The End"
Tell me
Come on tell me what you can
Even as you wait for death you're wiser than I am
Tell me what does it mean to exist
I am not a scientist I must believe in more than this
And I can not accept
That everything is real
Is only what our eyes can see
And our hands can feel
[chorus:]
Not even earth can hold us
Not even life controls us
Not even the ground can keep us down
The memories in my head
Are just as real the time we spent
You always be close to me
My friend
This is not the end
I see
I can see you're so afraid
You wear it like a silver hood on you even fear looks good
I wish I wish I had some words to give
But all I can think to say
Is I'll be with you everyday
[chorus]
Not even earth can hold us
Not even life controls us
Not even the ground can keep us down
The memories in my head
I just realized the time we spent
You'll always be close to me
My friend
This is not the end
La la la la la
This is not the end
La la la l al la
This is not the end
I don't care
I don't care what you believe
As long as you are in my heart
You're just as real as me
Maybe even more
Someone has touched so many lives
Can never never die
"This Is Not The End"
Tell me
Come on tell me what you can
Even as you wait for death you're wiser than I am
Tell me what does it mean to exist
I am not a scientist I must believe in more than this
And I can not accept
That everything is real
Is only what our eyes can see
And our hands can feel
[chorus:]
Not even earth can hold us
Not even life controls us
Not even the ground can keep us down
The memories in my head
Are just as real the time we spent
You always be close to me
My friend
This is not the end
I see
I can see you're so afraid
You wear it like a silver hood on you even fear looks good
I wish I wish I had some words to give
But all I can think to say
Is I'll be with you everyday
[chorus]
Not even earth can hold us
Not even life controls us
Not even the ground can keep us down
The memories in my head
I just realized the time we spent
You'll always be close to me
My friend
This is not the end
La la la la la
This is not the end
La la la l al la
This is not the end
I don't care
I don't care what you believe
As long as you are in my heart
You're just as real as me
Maybe even more
Someone has touched so many lives
Can never never die
justice yet no reprieve
they found him. they found the one who killed Tim. they found him in prison in nevada. they followed through and brought justice to those who were privileged enough to have had Tim in our lives. and yet it offers no real comfort. i've told people throughout the day and posted the news in blogs and as the time grows nearer the pain grows sharper. others are happy and smile and give out hugs yet the pain grows. the tears continue to grow in my eyes even though i will them not to at work and they fall consistently. this monster will not hurt anyone else. it doesn't bring my friend back. it doesn't give me more memories with a pure, generous, loving, honorable soul. my thoughts and feelings are all jumbled and i hardly know what to do with myself. i'll make it through this work day and re-evaluate at that point.
i feel like i'm drowning at times and then i pull myself back and know that he wouldn't want any of us to dwell in sad thoughts. he would want us to get together, bbq, eat un-human amounts of food, drink mickey's, laugh at the good times, create more good memories with him associated to those memories, and most of all he would want us to heal with each other and the love that he shared with us.
i still hear his laugh. i still see his smile. i still feel his love for each and every one of us. he will always be a part of my life and he will always be cherished in my memories. so, for those of you who did not know him but want to honor him, hold your mickey's high and wish Tim all the love in return that he has given to those he knew.~danban
here is the monster on america's most wanted web site: http://www.amw.com/fugitives/profile.cfm?id=39162
article from sign on san diego with the details:
July 11, 2008
SAN DIEGO – Homicide detectives have arrested two people and are working to extradite a third in connection with three slayings that occurred in 2005 and 2007.Michael Mason, 32, is awaiting extradition from a Nevada prison, where he has been held since 2007 on an unrelated parole violation, San Diego homicide Lt. Kevin Rooney said.
Detectives announced yesterday that they have arrested two others on suspicion of being accessories to murder.
The first homicide occurred Nov. 25, 2005, when several masked, armed robbers forced their way into a home in Valencia Park and tied up five victims, beating them for more than seven hours, police said.
The assailants demanded money that they believed was at the house. The ordeal ended when they forced Sacha Newbern, 25, and Mecio McGhee, 30, into a bathtub, doused them with gasoline and shot them at close range, police said.
The three other hostages escaped.
On July 14, 2007, Tim Traaen, 30, and his girlfriend were walking to their car in North Park after leaving a bar when a gunman approached, demanding money.
The robber shot both of them, killing Traaen and wounding his girlfriend, before running away, police said.
Evidence eventually tied Mason to both cases.
Mason was the subject of an intense manhunt last year for his possible role in the 2005 slayings and was featured on “America's Most Wanted” before his arrest in Las Vegas.
“It's been a long time coming,” said Newbern's father, Carl Davis, who is now raising Newbern's three sons. “It feels so good to start to get some closure and to be able to put this whole thing behind us.”
Yesterday, Jessica Jones, 24, was arrested at her Lemon Grove home in connection with Traaen's slaying. On Wednesday, Tamoyia Morris, 31, was arrested in connection with the McGhee-Newbern homicides.
Both have been booked on suspicion of being an accessory to murder and participating in a criminal street gang.
7/8/08
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
ok so i promise i'm in the works on the 4th o july update but i had to post this/ask this question. so i was swimming this morning and decided to do a 1000 mtr pull and during the pull i had the most disgusting experience. when i swim i find that all the runny nose snot nastiness has a tendency to start congealing and moving toward the base of my throat. it is the most disgusting thing imaginable!! this morning it made me half gag twice during my swim (no, i did not stop cause i was bound and determined to make the whole 1000 mtr pull) and basically spit out the nastiness from my mouth. it was beyond gross!! so, has anyone out there experienced this?? how the hell do i keep it from happening again?!?!!! help!
~danban
~danban
7/7/08
celebrating the hell out o my independence :0)
this 4th o july was definitely different than the last and i fully celebrated every moment of it! there was only one missing piece from this year but he will be missing every 4th from now on. i'm sure he would've celebrated with me had he been here and able :0) mom has been in town helping bry with the retaining wall in the front yard and just spending time with her kids. all in all it was a good trip (yes, we had one of our signature banister blowups on thurs the 3rd and i will refrain from the details cause i'm sure you don't wanna hear it) and it was good to have her in town.
the evening of the 3rd, i headed down to pick up mom and bry and headed to ski beach to see 
kate e. and her new hubby. (not sure if that's what she's calling him but that's what i'm calling him!) it was great to see her and the whole sdsc crew. i haven't seen most of them in a very very very
long time. one of kate's sisters has been in town with her hubby and they were at the cookout too. umut and friends were hilarious cause they were bbq'ing it with NO utensils!! just flipping burgers and chicken with their fingers!! it got pretty chilly around the time that katie b joined us. around that time people were beginning to say goodnight and head home. we decided to say some c'ya later's and head to south beach for oysters and a beverage or two.
i will say this now with no reservations..........i LOVE SOUTHBEACH!!!! oysters make me happy,
fish tacos (specifically mahi tacos) make me happy, everything about the place makes me happy (except scouring for a table). if you have not been, what is wrong with you?! GO!! immediately!!!! that being said, we had a good conversations, phenomenal food, and eventually pulled our butts off our bar stools to head home. this was the time of the banister fight so we'll skip to the end...... headed over to katie b's after dropping off the fam to help her put together her bike before she committed murder. i'm just glad her creepy roommie wasn't there or she just might have had to go to jail!! jk :0) anyway, i get there and it seriously looks like a war zone. like someone's dropped a bomb on her new beach cruiser and it's guts are laying all over the floor and like a medic with her tools she's trying desperately to put it back together! it was HILARIOUS and priceless!! i helped her put it together and the result was gorgeous! so much so that i had to go the next day and get one of my very own!! anyway, we were up til like 1am putting delilah together.
the 4th started off with breakfast at the naked cafe (one of my favorites) and i had my usual :0) we headed off to the bike place (see katie b's blog for the name o the place cause i forget) and i found my new baby!! her name is leila and she is GORGEOUS!! decided not to get the one that has to be put together so we took some time and eventually got her in the back of katie's car which was a whole other hilarious feat in and of itself! we headed back to katie b's to get ready
for our day out and about on the town with our two new girls. about the time we were ready, we heard from my fam and decided to head to sunshine cafe in ob to spend the beginning of the 4th with them. the start of our adventure was beyond funny. you'd think two seasoned triathletes would be able to manage beach cruisers. we could NOT! we were swerving all over the place like alcoholics who found their first bar after being stranded on a beach for 5 years. it was truly a sight to behold!! when we finally got our balance we cruiser'd it down to sunshine and locked the girls up outside the cafe. hung out with matt, bry, and mom with a few beverages before sorting out the plan of attack for the day. we were going to cruiser over to pb to meet up with katie b's friends then back to her place and off to bry's for dinner. that is seriously the most of a plan you will ever get out of the banister clan when we're together!!
katie b and i got back on our cruisers and headed out on a much longer ride than i'd anticipated considering we had only one gear on our bikes! we headed from where we were around the bay a
nd off to diamond in pb. met up with her friends who were seriously drunk when we got there. everyone was already ready to head out to the next party so we hopped back on the cruisers and went toward law st. we ended up in the middle of a water fight which katie b and i were NOT amused by cause we did not want our new cruisers wet!! eventually headed from there back to her place no worse for the wear and tear but definitely buzzed off the champagne we were drinkin. ran into buddy and a few others around the bay on the way to katie's. changed quickly at her place and i drove us (yes, i was sober at this point......remember, long beach cruisin ride) to hillcrest.
bry and mom were at bourbon with mr. christopher so we hit up henry's (STARVING at this point) and then went to meet them at bourbon for a min or two. hung for a tiny bit and then went to eat some serious yumminess at bry's. he was kind enough to cook crab, scallops, salmon and shrimp for our 4th feast :0) i will never celebrate the 4th without these things again!! after our yummy feast we went to hang out with mr. christopher for a bit more since he was leaving for iraq again :0( met up at lei lounge and had quite a few laughs with our new friend, shameless!! i will miss mr. christopher even though we have not been as close of late. i can't wait for him to get back in jan though so we can tear up the town again!! after such a long day and with the traffic piling up like it was, i just crashed at katie b's again on the night of the 4th. all i can say is WOW WHAT A DAY!!!!
on the 5th, katie b and i started off on the right foot by sleeping in the late late hour of 9. that's right folks, we are lazy bastards!! we headed back to naked and had a repeat breakfast from the day before cause we're both creatures of habit and love our fav breakfasts!! cruisered it to the beach after breakfast and ran into trey and his wonderful moobies :0) i miss that boy!! i ended up with some serious sun on my back which will do a nice job of evening out the racer back tan
but hurt for a few days. headed back to katie b's eventually and i headed to bry's to see the retaining wall. it looks amazing!! SO glad he finally got rid of the bushes in the front yard cause they were hideous and completely covered half his front lawn. so we all cleaned up and got food ready for bry's poker night. i hung with mom for a bit and watched the ufc (SO glad forrest won). headed home kinda late but had a good night overall :0)
slept in on the 6th big time! i mean didn't roll out of bed til
10:30ish! got my schtuff together and headed down to katie b's. we beach cruiser'd it over to bali hi for brunch with the fam :0) here's where we get a bit rowdy!! it was free champagne and the waiter dude seriously kept it coming. i mean i'd be chatting with someone and BAM there he was filling my empty glass without asking! what a SAINT!! so eventually katie b had the sense to cut us off otherwise i would've stayed there drinking ALL day!! we had a great time hanging out and bri even joined the fam gathering. tons of good food and phenomenal company. such a great mornin. i LOVE sunday fundays!!!! katie b and i decided after brunch to cruiser it down to jt's and let him know that we'd traded in our tri bikes for our new cruisers! he seemed mostly amused by how drunk we were
but still humored us when we said we wanted aero bars on our cruisers :0) eventually cruiser'd it back to her place and had some of bri's home made knock you on your ass sangria while getting ready for more beach time. eventually dragged our butts to the beach where we promptly passed out for a while (luckily no burn this time). it was great to get to relax so 
much!! we walked around shopping when we pulled ourselves off the sand. mostly we were attempting to get hungry enough to tackle south beach again. and tackle it we did!! two dozen oysters and three tacos later we were SPENT for the weekend.
by far it was the best weekend of 2008 :0) it was great to get so much in but still be able to relax and enjoy the weekend for the fun it should have been and was. i'm seriously blessed to have so many phenomenal people in my life that help me keep my sense of adventure and child-like attitude when it should be enjoyed most!! thanks katie b for making it special!!
much love
~danban
the evening of the 3rd, i headed down to pick up mom and bry and headed to ski beach to see 
kate e. and her new hubby. (not sure if that's what she's calling him but that's what i'm calling him!) it was great to see her and the whole sdsc crew. i haven't seen most of them in a very very very
long time. one of kate's sisters has been in town with her hubby and they were at the cookout too. umut and friends were hilarious cause they were bbq'ing it with NO utensils!! just flipping burgers and chicken with their fingers!! it got pretty chilly around the time that katie b joined us. around that time people were beginning to say goodnight and head home. we decided to say some c'ya later's and head to south beach for oysters and a beverage or two.i will say this now with no reservations..........i LOVE SOUTHBEACH!!!! oysters make me happy,
fish tacos (specifically mahi tacos) make me happy, everything about the place makes me happy (except scouring for a table). if you have not been, what is wrong with you?! GO!! immediately!!!! that being said, we had a good conversations, phenomenal food, and eventually pulled our butts off our bar stools to head home. this was the time of the banister fight so we'll skip to the end...... headed over to katie b's after dropping off the fam to help her put together her bike before she committed murder. i'm just glad her creepy roommie wasn't there or she just might have had to go to jail!! jk :0) anyway, i get there and it seriously looks like a war zone. like someone's dropped a bomb on her new beach cruiser and it's guts are laying all over the floor and like a medic with her tools she's trying desperately to put it back together! it was HILARIOUS and priceless!! i helped her put it together and the result was gorgeous! so much so that i had to go the next day and get one of my very own!! anyway, we were up til like 1am putting delilah together.
the 4th started off with breakfast at the naked cafe (one of my favorites) and i had my usual :0) we headed off to the bike place (see katie b's blog for the name o the place cause i forget) and i found my new baby!! her name is leila and she is GORGEOUS!! decided not to get the one that has to be put together so we took some time and eventually got her in the back of katie's car which was a whole other hilarious feat in and of itself! we headed back to katie b's to get ready
for our day out and about on the town with our two new girls. about the time we were ready, we heard from my fam and decided to head to sunshine cafe in ob to spend the beginning of the 4th with them. the start of our adventure was beyond funny. you'd think two seasoned triathletes would be able to manage beach cruisers. we could NOT! we were swerving all over the place like alcoholics who found their first bar after being stranded on a beach for 5 years. it was truly a sight to behold!! when we finally got our balance we cruiser'd it down to sunshine and locked the girls up outside the cafe. hung out with matt, bry, and mom with a few beverages before sorting out the plan of attack for the day. we were going to cruiser over to pb to meet up with katie b's friends then back to her place and off to bry's for dinner. that is seriously the most of a plan you will ever get out of the banister clan when we're together!!
katie b and i got back on our cruisers and headed out on a much longer ride than i'd anticipated considering we had only one gear on our bikes! we headed from where we were around the bay a
nd off to diamond in pb. met up with her friends who were seriously drunk when we got there. everyone was already ready to head out to the next party so we hopped back on the cruisers and went toward law st. we ended up in the middle of a water fight which katie b and i were NOT amused by cause we did not want our new cruisers wet!! eventually headed from there back to her place no worse for the wear and tear but definitely buzzed off the champagne we were drinkin. ran into buddy and a few others around the bay on the way to katie's. changed quickly at her place and i drove us (yes, i was sober at this point......remember, long beach cruisin ride) to hillcrest.
bry and mom were at bourbon with mr. christopher so we hit up henry's (STARVING at this point) and then went to meet them at bourbon for a min or two. hung for a tiny bit and then went to eat some serious yumminess at bry's. he was kind enough to cook crab, scallops, salmon and shrimp for our 4th feast :0) i will never celebrate the 4th without these things again!! after our yummy feast we went to hang out with mr. christopher for a bit more since he was leaving for iraq again :0( met up at lei lounge and had quite a few laughs with our new friend, shameless!! i will miss mr. christopher even though we have not been as close of late. i can't wait for him to get back in jan though so we can tear up the town again!! after such a long day and with the traffic piling up like it was, i just crashed at katie b's again on the night of the 4th. all i can say is WOW WHAT A DAY!!!!
on the 5th, katie b and i started off on the right foot by sleeping in the late late hour of 9. that's right folks, we are lazy bastards!! we headed back to naked and had a repeat breakfast from the day before cause we're both creatures of habit and love our fav breakfasts!! cruisered it to the beach after breakfast and ran into trey and his wonderful moobies :0) i miss that boy!! i ended up with some serious sun on my back which will do a nice job of evening out the racer back tan
but hurt for a few days. headed back to katie b's eventually and i headed to bry's to see the retaining wall. it looks amazing!! SO glad he finally got rid of the bushes in the front yard cause they were hideous and completely covered half his front lawn. so we all cleaned up and got food ready for bry's poker night. i hung with mom for a bit and watched the ufc (SO glad forrest won). headed home kinda late but had a good night overall :0)slept in on the 6th big time! i mean didn't roll out of bed til
10:30ish! got my schtuff together and headed down to katie b's. we beach cruiser'd it over to bali hi for brunch with the fam :0) here's where we get a bit rowdy!! it was free champagne and the waiter dude seriously kept it coming. i mean i'd be chatting with someone and BAM there he was filling my empty glass without asking! what a SAINT!! so eventually katie b had the sense to cut us off otherwise i would've stayed there drinking ALL day!! we had a great time hanging out and bri even joined the fam gathering. tons of good food and phenomenal company. such a great mornin. i LOVE sunday fundays!!!! katie b and i decided after brunch to cruiser it down to jt's and let him know that we'd traded in our tri bikes for our new cruisers! he seemed mostly amused by how drunk we were
but still humored us when we said we wanted aero bars on our cruisers :0) eventually cruiser'd it back to her place and had some of bri's home made knock you on your ass sangria while getting ready for more beach time. eventually dragged our butts to the beach where we promptly passed out for a while (luckily no burn this time). it was great to get to relax so 
much!! we walked around shopping when we pulled ourselves off the sand. mostly we were attempting to get hungry enough to tackle south beach again. and tackle it we did!! two dozen oysters and three tacos later we were SPENT for the weekend.by far it was the best weekend of 2008 :0) it was great to get so much in but still be able to relax and enjoy the weekend for the fun it should have been and was. i'm seriously blessed to have so many phenomenal people in my life that help me keep my sense of adventure and child-like attitude when it should be enjoyed most!! thanks katie b for making it special!!
much love
~danban
7/3/08
uuummmm - excuse me?
there is this completely bizarre situation that i find myself in as of late. those who know me and talk to me on a regular basis know the particulars. what i found is this: i chose to be swept up into someone else's drama based on something that started out as me supporting someone else. i find it truly amazing how a whirlwind such as this person has accumulated and created SO much drama in such as short time. i mean it really is like a hurricane at this point!! it's funny to take a
step back and realize that no matter how retarded the whole situation seems, it really is not that important in the grand scheme of things cause life just keeps on movin on. i mean yes, your drama means what it means to you but the impact i choose to let it have on my life is my own. and as of yesterday i choose out of this particular crazy person's reality of life. i've realized there is absolutely NO reason on this planet that i should allow someone else's reality dictate how i behave. i will not change who i am and how i choose to live my life to accommodate this person. life is about compromise and choices and for those i truly care about, i will go to the ends of the earth and beyond. and i know that you would too. i trust you and i love you and i know you know i am forever here for you. this particular crazy; however, no longer deserves the time or investment to assist the situation she is creating because she has proven time and time and time and time again that while she'll pretend to hear what is said and pretend to want to change and then turn right around and do whatever she wants to do anyway. someone like that is not the kind of person who will EVER be someone i could rely upon and i need more support in my life than those who need to be babysat or tip toed around. enough. the fact that this person chooses to believe the terrible things she's made up about my character only speaks to me about the terrible ugliness she chooses to keep in her life. to imagine that someone who has been nothing but support to you would take information you gave in confidence and use it against you, makes me horribly saddened that such a tale could be dreampt of and yet those are the charges laid against me without proof. well i'm not going to waste my time fighting that battle because it is a battle of one person against herself. i - the danban - am not truly who the anger and terrible stories are pitted against. she is raging against herself and i will no longer choose to play into that losing hand of poker.
i choose a different game and my game is one with love, support, generosity, and faith. i gotta say, i feel monumentally better to have taken a step back, looked at this situation with a fresh set of eyes, and chosen to walk away from it. and that in and of itself, speaks volumes to me about how i was putting myself through my own type of battle. well i'm putting away my hammer thank you! this month is difficult enough without unnecessarily adding someone else's pain on top of my own. i have my own deamons to fight and i know i am not alone. thank you katie b. thank you sarah b. thank you brandon b. thank you to all of those who have listened and let me rant. the rant stops here!! if you hear me raging again, please feel free to smack me in the forehead and tell me to stop it immediately :0)
this is a weekend of fun and family and friends and i say let's tackle that!! let's go out and spend time with the people we choose to keep in our lives because they are special to us. i choose to tell my loved ones that i am truly blessed to have them in my life. i am ridiculously excited to get to spend time with each and every one of you. because this time of the year reminds me that i will never know when you might be taken from my life. you are all too important to me to not tell you so!! so, to those who i will not see tomorrow......have a KICK ASS 4th and i will talk to you soon. otherwise, i'll tackle ya when i see ya and give ya a huge hug so be prepared!!!!
MUCH love and appreciation
~danban
step back and realize that no matter how retarded the whole situation seems, it really is not that important in the grand scheme of things cause life just keeps on movin on. i mean yes, your drama means what it means to you but the impact i choose to let it have on my life is my own. and as of yesterday i choose out of this particular crazy person's reality of life. i've realized there is absolutely NO reason on this planet that i should allow someone else's reality dictate how i behave. i will not change who i am and how i choose to live my life to accommodate this person. life is about compromise and choices and for those i truly care about, i will go to the ends of the earth and beyond. and i know that you would too. i trust you and i love you and i know you know i am forever here for you. this particular crazy; however, no longer deserves the time or investment to assist the situation she is creating because she has proven time and time and time and time again that while she'll pretend to hear what is said and pretend to want to change and then turn right around and do whatever she wants to do anyway. someone like that is not the kind of person who will EVER be someone i could rely upon and i need more support in my life than those who need to be babysat or tip toed around. enough. the fact that this person chooses to believe the terrible things she's made up about my character only speaks to me about the terrible ugliness she chooses to keep in her life. to imagine that someone who has been nothing but support to you would take information you gave in confidence and use it against you, makes me horribly saddened that such a tale could be dreampt of and yet those are the charges laid against me without proof. well i'm not going to waste my time fighting that battle because it is a battle of one person against herself. i - the danban - am not truly who the anger and terrible stories are pitted against. she is raging against herself and i will no longer choose to play into that losing hand of poker.
i choose a different game and my game is one with love, support, generosity, and faith. i gotta say, i feel monumentally better to have taken a step back, looked at this situation with a fresh set of eyes, and chosen to walk away from it. and that in and of itself, speaks volumes to me about how i was putting myself through my own type of battle. well i'm putting away my hammer thank you! this month is difficult enough without unnecessarily adding someone else's pain on top of my own. i have my own deamons to fight and i know i am not alone. thank you katie b. thank you sarah b. thank you brandon b. thank you to all of those who have listened and let me rant. the rant stops here!! if you hear me raging again, please feel free to smack me in the forehead and tell me to stop it immediately :0)this is a weekend of fun and family and friends and i say let's tackle that!! let's go out and spend time with the people we choose to keep in our lives because they are special to us. i choose to tell my loved ones that i am truly blessed to have them in my life. i am ridiculously excited to get to spend time with each and every one of you. because this time of the year reminds me that i will never know when you might be taken from my life. you are all too important to me to not tell you so!! so, to those who i will not see tomorrow......have a KICK ASS 4th and i will talk to you soon. otherwise, i'll tackle ya when i see ya and give ya a huge hug so be prepared!!!!
MUCH love and appreciation
~danban
7/1/08
taking the inspiration and sprinting with it
thank you katie b :0) your blog has inspired me to continue to keep writing. yes, june was a seriously slackin month but i'm back in july and want to write it all out!!
i have been very lucky to have been able to spend so much time with family lately. nicole's graduation was ..... well, a graduation! bry was able to make it in from his three week trip to
spend the time with us. he was VERY out of it as he'd only really been back in the country for a few days and had partied the days he was in town with slater traaen and thomas. and not only did he make it into town but he also brought gifts! all three of the sisters got harp necklaces from dublin (i wear mine most days as does nicole). nicole also got a man u scarf from one of the games (i think) that he got to attend while he was there - lucky!! the best part of graduations - or at least the last two - has been the post graduation ceremony dinner of the melting pot. if you haven't been, it's one of my recommendations on a GREAT night out. it is truly an event! but you must go when you're starving cause even though fondue doesn't sound like it'd fill you, trust me i am beyond stuffed every time i roll out of there! luckily i don't go there more than once a year otherwise i'd be seriously banned from pools (the inevitable whale terror). so, the weekend wasn't all filled with the banister clan. i got in a nice 60 miler with avery and chris p. it was AWESOME to spend the time with such a great pair of men! i haven't gotten to chat with either of them in too long. avery mentioned that lisa was a taaaad jealous that he got to spend some quality time with the danban without her. how sweet is that?! so we eventually made it back to the road that leads to the 
house and of COURSE i got a flat from some jerkwad who threw a zima bottle on the bike path. after much struggling on the phone to get jenn and bry to where we were, we hitched a ride back to the house and spent the rest of the evening at the open house for nicole. avery and lisa stayed for quite a while keeping me company. i miss those two terribly and wish they lived closer so i could see them more often. all in all the trip was TOO short and i wished i could have gotten some time to spend with the miller fam. it's always good to see the girls and dad. i am blessed to finally have some closeness with them in my life. i feel like they're as excited to see me as i am to see them.......at least that's what i've been telling myself :0)
as somewhat of a surprise to me, i was able to spend some more time in indy because of my job. i was sent to ft. wayne for requirements gathering and was able to sneak in a trip to indy to see the fam! as a bonus, i spent some time with the miller fam (minus nathan :0( sniff) and made it down to b-ton for a reunion with my college days. friday night and saturday morning i got in some serious quality time with patty which was much much needed. she is one of the best conversationalists and i thoroughly enjoy ALL of my conversations with her. i wish i could see her more often and wish she would visit katie more often so i could get qt with both of them at the same time!! saturday we dropped by matty's work and got to see what it is he really does and where he spends all of his on call time.....i was starting to wonder!! after picking up a car at dad's, i headed down to b-ton to spend some qt with lisa and avery again........YAY!! i feel seriously beyond blessed to have gotten to see them twice in two months! we did some shoppin around the art walk and then down to some funky little store where i bought the CUTEST s
hoes ever!! they were sweet enough to indulge me by going to Lenny's for the best salad ever. we eventually ended up back at their pad to play some euchre with elaine and mikey showed up with james and i instantly felt like i'd digressed back to college......definitely not in a bad way. it was nice to have that sense of familiarity. i wish katie had gotten to join us to make the evening absolutely perfect! we ended instead with some pizza express breadsticks with their yummy yummy cheeeeeeeze sauce :0) headed back up on sunday for hang out time with the fam and dinner before jenn drove me up to ft. wayne on her way to work. when she dropped me off, we ended up spending some quality time in the hot tub while my co-workers were in a meeting!! heheehehehe - yup, that's how i roll :0) after the work schtuff was done, i drove with a co-worker down to the house to spend wed night before flying out of indy on thurs. we had dinner with dad and lorinne then back to the house. jenn showed up eventually and we spent some more qt in the fam hot tub. i won't bore you with all the rest of the details of the trip but needless to say, it was awesome to have been able to spend so much time with family that i get to see once a year and friends who i get to see even less often. it was refreshing to be there and spend time with people who hold so much of my history in their memories. i love them all very much and hope to see them all again VERY soon......
so for this holiday weekend upcoming, yet more family adventures are on the horizon as my mom is in town. so far she's been helping bry with the yard and the re-creation of the front. i know she's enjoyed it emmensely and wishes i'd spend more time down there. it's very difficult to do with the time and $$ of driving ot bry's on such a consistent basis. tonight has been my ONE night home since returning from indy. in fact, i have yet to unpack!! i'm not sure yet what we'll do for the 4th but i'm sure it's going to be filled with lots and lots of stories as banister adventures typically are!!
the one event this month that i am dreading is on the 13th/14th. it's an anniversary i am saddened by and i'd like to say that i'm going to share everything that goes along with that but i'm not sure that i'm ready. it has yet to be a year and i'm still in shock. there are more tears as the days grow near and i'm sure the emotions will become more and more raw. i'm beyond grateful to katie b who has been a sounding board through a time where i should be more of her rock. i guess we're both leaning on each other......guess it's good we're both going in the same direction. all i will say for now is that i very much miss my friend........
that's all for now kids...........
~danban
i have been very lucky to have been able to spend so much time with family lately. nicole's graduation was ..... well, a graduation! bry was able to make it in from his three week trip to
spend the time with us. he was VERY out of it as he'd only really been back in the country for a few days and had partied the days he was in town with slater traaen and thomas. and not only did he make it into town but he also brought gifts! all three of the sisters got harp necklaces from dublin (i wear mine most days as does nicole). nicole also got a man u scarf from one of the games (i think) that he got to attend while he was there - lucky!! the best part of graduations - or at least the last two - has been the post graduation ceremony dinner of the melting pot. if you haven't been, it's one of my recommendations on a GREAT night out. it is truly an event! but you must go when you're starving cause even though fondue doesn't sound like it'd fill you, trust me i am beyond stuffed every time i roll out of there! luckily i don't go there more than once a year otherwise i'd be seriously banned from pools (the inevitable whale terror). so, the weekend wasn't all filled with the banister clan. i got in a nice 60 miler with avery and chris p. it was AWESOME to spend the time with such a great pair of men! i haven't gotten to chat with either of them in too long. avery mentioned that lisa was a taaaad jealous that he got to spend some quality time with the danban without her. how sweet is that?! so we eventually made it back to the road that leads to the 
house and of COURSE i got a flat from some jerkwad who threw a zima bottle on the bike path. after much struggling on the phone to get jenn and bry to where we were, we hitched a ride back to the house and spent the rest of the evening at the open house for nicole. avery and lisa stayed for quite a while keeping me company. i miss those two terribly and wish they lived closer so i could see them more often. all in all the trip was TOO short and i wished i could have gotten some time to spend with the miller fam. it's always good to see the girls and dad. i am blessed to finally have some closeness with them in my life. i feel like they're as excited to see me as i am to see them.......at least that's what i've been telling myself :0)as somewhat of a surprise to me, i was able to spend some more time in indy because of my job. i was sent to ft. wayne for requirements gathering and was able to sneak in a trip to indy to see the fam! as a bonus, i spent some time with the miller fam (minus nathan :0( sniff) and made it down to b-ton for a reunion with my college days. friday night and saturday morning i got in some serious quality time with patty which was much much needed. she is one of the best conversationalists and i thoroughly enjoy ALL of my conversations with her. i wish i could see her more often and wish she would visit katie more often so i could get qt with both of them at the same time!! saturday we dropped by matty's work and got to see what it is he really does and where he spends all of his on call time.....i was starting to wonder!! after picking up a car at dad's, i headed down to b-ton to spend some qt with lisa and avery again........YAY!! i feel seriously beyond blessed to have gotten to see them twice in two months! we did some shoppin around the art walk and then down to some funky little store where i bought the CUTEST s
hoes ever!! they were sweet enough to indulge me by going to Lenny's for the best salad ever. we eventually ended up back at their pad to play some euchre with elaine and mikey showed up with james and i instantly felt like i'd digressed back to college......definitely not in a bad way. it was nice to have that sense of familiarity. i wish katie had gotten to join us to make the evening absolutely perfect! we ended instead with some pizza express breadsticks with their yummy yummy cheeeeeeeze sauce :0) headed back up on sunday for hang out time with the fam and dinner before jenn drove me up to ft. wayne on her way to work. when she dropped me off, we ended up spending some quality time in the hot tub while my co-workers were in a meeting!! heheehehehe - yup, that's how i roll :0) after the work schtuff was done, i drove with a co-worker down to the house to spend wed night before flying out of indy on thurs. we had dinner with dad and lorinne then back to the house. jenn showed up eventually and we spent some more qt in the fam hot tub. i won't bore you with all the rest of the details of the trip but needless to say, it was awesome to have been able to spend so much time with family that i get to see once a year and friends who i get to see even less often. it was refreshing to be there and spend time with people who hold so much of my history in their memories. i love them all very much and hope to see them all again VERY soon......so for this holiday weekend upcoming, yet more family adventures are on the horizon as my mom is in town. so far she's been helping bry with the yard and the re-creation of the front. i know she's enjoyed it emmensely and wishes i'd spend more time down there. it's very difficult to do with the time and $$ of driving ot bry's on such a consistent basis. tonight has been my ONE night home since returning from indy. in fact, i have yet to unpack!! i'm not sure yet what we'll do for the 4th but i'm sure it's going to be filled with lots and lots of stories as banister adventures typically are!!
the one event this month that i am dreading is on the 13th/14th. it's an anniversary i am saddened by and i'd like to say that i'm going to share everything that goes along with that but i'm not sure that i'm ready. it has yet to be a year and i'm still in shock. there are more tears as the days grow near and i'm sure the emotions will become more and more raw. i'm beyond grateful to katie b who has been a sounding board through a time where i should be more of her rock. i guess we're both leaning on each other......guess it's good we're both going in the same direction. all i will say for now is that i very much miss my friend........
that's all for now kids...........
~danban
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