v-man round 2

race report from my second attempt at Vineman:

swim: i was wading out at the start line chatting with susan, aran, and joanna and felt myself actually calm and the plan of attack for the day was clear. my plan was to take it nice and easy and attempt to make it through the run as well as last year. we start and i actually wasn't pummeled by all the women around me which is a nice change from every other race i've done! i kept a decent rythm and even drafted for a while.

just before the turn around bouy i felt hands on my ankles and calves as the men's wave behind us had caught up to me and they were attempting to drown me in order to speed up their races. i couldn't believe it as i'm NO threat to their winning a spot for clearwater since i'm not even in their gender let alone age group! regardless, i got fed up with it and on a few of the guys frog kicked to get them to leave me alone :)

all in all, the swim felt decent though i managed to be a few minutes slower than last year. estimated time: 41 mins

t1: this is not the easiest transition as there are hard rocks underfoot and not much carpet from the swim to the actual bikes. i noticed that mine was one of the few left on my rack and attempted to get out of my wet suit as quickly as possible so i could catch up with the girls on the bike. the one mistake i made here was not having a towel to stand on or water to wash off my feet before putting them into my bike shoes so i kept trying to swipe them on my wetsuit which wasted a little time.

i packed my bag, handed it to keith, asked my time, and headed out. on the way out i saw trent and heather and picked up my run up the hill with my bike to heed trent's advice and "hammer it". estimated t1 time: 7 mins

bike: it started off a little chilly and i never quite got the feeling back into my toes through the whole of the course. my plan of attack was to keep it comfortable and not push too much as i knew the run was going to be more rough on me this year than last for lack of training. nothing spectacular about the ride. i did pass a few girls in my age group including aran and amanda. i passed the area where the tree had taken out a few competitors though all that remained was the fire trucks and a cop car.

somewhere close to the chalk hill turn i saw coach melekian and yelled for him as he flew by me. going up chalk hill i saw jason changing a tire and was surprised that he didn't pass me along the bike course on the way to t2. all in all, pretty uneventful but a very nice course and one of my favorite rides (including chalk hill)!

overall i think i actually held back a little too much on the bike and could've gotten closer to a 3 hour bike but ended up with a 3:25 bike which isn't tooooo shabby and a personal PR for this distance of a course.

t2: i heard my fam yelling as i rounded the corner into t2 and ran my bike to my spot. i got there and noticed that yet again, someone had knocked my stuff around. never fails to happen yet somehow i'm always surprised. i threw off my helmet and threw on my hat. put on the socks and shoes and grabbed my water bottle. i skipped the water over the head as i'd already put my socks and shoes on and decided to skip the sunblock as i was trying out the marty method of sunblock which i'd find out later didn't work for me! estimated time 4 mins

run: started out fabulously as jennafer was there to run the first 100 yards with me and then bry and matt were there for some pictures as i headed out on what would promise to be a VERY hot run.

i started out and right away knew i had repeated my mistake from last year as i didn't use the restroom in t2. i hit the first aide station with port o potties and had to wait but i knew i wouldn't make it another mile to the next stop so i stretched as my calves felt like solid rock. the stretching definitely helped and when i headed back out, i felt like i could possibly repeat last year's time which i'd be more than happy with!

i kept an eye out for people i knew and ended up running a bit with a breakaway girl until she dropped back. i saw coach melekian again and he looked like he was flying so i yelled something about how he looked like he was doing well and kept on movin! i later saw chris and made a peanut joke :) for the most part, i was running the flats and downhills and walking all up hills in an effort to attempt to save my legs. this is what i did last year and seemed to be working for me again.

somewhere around mile 5 or 6 i realized that i'd been socializing too much and not really paying attention to my nutrition and downed a gu and two salt tabs which would turn out to be a mistake. i got to the beginning of la crema and realized that i really should've been slower to take in that gu and started to feel sick. i walked the second pond (except where the photographer was!) and stopped a sec at the bathroom past the aide station.

i passed jason as i was leaving for mile 7 and he was just getting to la crema. i was really starting to feel the heat and the improper nutrition on the beginning of my run so was walking more than just the uphills which was discouraging.

i hear a panting and feel a bit of water on my left shoulder and realize that BG is now walking next to me! it was great to see him even if he did look about like i felt :) i really didn't think i was going to be able to keep up with him but we ended up running the rest together which was a lifesaver for me!! i'd talk us into and out of running and walking and since he was there, i talked us into more running than either of us really wanted to do.

we saw veva and yelled some encouragements back and forth, saw penny and paused for a hug, saw jodi and praised her swim as we all knew she was more than capable, saw iris and encouraged her to just keep on keepin on. saw steve at the last aide station and knew we only had about a mile and a quarter left. we ran the first stretch, then walked a bit so we could run the last mile into the finish. we ran into the finisher's chute and though we were going to die but knew we HAD to finish with a good run so put the gas back on :0) estimated run time 3 hrs, 11 mins

it was great to finish with BG and see my fam there cheering and taking pictures and see Team there being supportive even if i did only train with them a handful of times!

all in all, not a bad race even though i really felt like i should have done better. i've been kickin my butt about the fact that i really should've trained more and let work take more of a back seat. good lessons for pumpkin man and Ironman New Zealand!

~danban

dazed and confused

there's a hole in my heart like one of the four that took the life of my dear friend. others may not notice on a daily basis but it's there and Tim's never far from my thoughts and love. he had so much love to give and gave it freely. he was one of the most generous souls you could ever hope to meet and i wish you all could have met him. he was truly unforgettable, larger than this world could hold, and gave bear hugs like no other ever has. i miss his smile, his laugh, his love, his sparkling eyes when he was up to mischievous things.......i just miss my friend.

i find i have an inability to interact with people today as i feel that they should be as impacted by today's loss as i am. i get frustrated that they don't understand what a loss i'm feeling and that they should feel. i know it's ridiculous but i just can't help feeling that others need to understand the pain i feel on this day. so, i hide behind my headphones and keep plugging away at work that seems tedious.

what i really want to do is go back to sleep and skip this day entirely though i know that won't take away the reality that two years ago today my friend was killed and is gone forever. i still half expect to see him pop his head over the fence at every bbq and clean up all the food yet uneaten. yet that food gets packed away as left overs and there is no Tim to drop by for a beer and bbq.

once again i'm lost in my own world of memories and emotion. tends to freak out everyone around me as i am typically their rock. today this rock crumbles with the knowledge that in an instant, life was taken from someone who deserved far better from this world than the end he met. i can't help but linger in memories of Tim as they're all we have left. yes, getting together and telling Tim stories helps build new memories with him but it's just not the same. it can't possibly be the same if he's not there to punctuate it with his laugh. and so i'll float though this day and tomorrow won't be quite as painful......

"Float"

Drank away the rest of the day,
Wonder what my liver would say,
Drink... That's all you can.

Blackened days With their bigger gales,
Blow in your parlor to discuss the day,
Listen... That's all you can.

Ah but don't, no don't sink the boat,
That you built, you built to keep afloat.
Ah no don't, no don't sink the boat,
That you built...

Sick and tired of what to say,
No one listens anyway,
Sing... That's all you can.

Rambling years of lousy luck,
Ya miss the smell of burning turf,
Dream... That's all you can.

Ah but don't, no don't sink the boat,
That you Built, you built to keep afloat,
Ah no don't, no don't sink the boat,
That you built... That you built to keep afloat.

Singled out for who you are,
Takes all types to judge a man,
Feel... That's all you can.

Filthy suits with bigger ears,
Hide behind their their own worst fears,
Live... That's all you can.

It's all you can.
It's all you can... do.

No matter where I put my head,
I wake up feeling sound again,
Breath... It's all you can.

Tomorrow smells of less decay,
The flowers create this blooming fray,
Be thankful... That's all you can.

Ah but don't, don't sink the boat,
That you Built, you built to keep afloat.


i'll leave work early today and go visit Tim on my own terms. feel that cold marble that holds all that remains of my friend. get all puffy faced from crying even though i'm sure that's not what Tim would want. it just feels impossible to celebrate the life of someone you miss so terribly. i may seem partially absent today as i did last year but please be patient with me and let me reflect on the short time i did have with my friend.


hold all that you love dear to you and let everyone you love know it on a regular basis as you'll never know when your last embrace, conversation, smile shared will be.

much love and sorrow
~danban

the wrong kind of family reunion

our family went and visited a lost yet never forgotten friend yesterday. i learned from the Traaen's that the destroyer of lives is going away for a bare minimum of 20 years because he was already a convicted felon and was in possession of a gun. Mason was heavily involved in gangs and even has shooting charges against him for attempting to kill his partners in crime. there are a total of 24 counts against the three and they were indicted on 23 of them. the devil incarnate is charged with 19, one of witch includes murdering my friend. his trial is set for Dec 6th though will probably get pushed out to Jan or Feb as it's too close to the holidays. seems odd to me that we get to tip toe around other people's holidays when Tim will never get to celebrate with us again. sad and cruel reality.

i wonder that a man like Mason can have 5 shooting charges against him and hold absolutely no respect or regard for life. it must be so since he didn't consider the impacts of what he's done to those of us who are left with only memories. the emptiness that's left behind from having a life so full and promising taken from your reality, is immense and impossible to ignore.

those memories we cherish and share with each other because as long as we have those, he'll be alive within our hearts. it was great to spend time with Mara yesterday and i am glad we are going to be able to get together now outside of this July time frame. i hope it'll be a better way to heal. it was wonderful to hear her stories of Tim as i know she looks forward to hearing ours.

i feel exhausted and numb. my heart is heavy and my eyes are red from lack of sleep and crying. the loss still hurts and is impossible to ignore. i'll visit again tomorrow as the 14th was the day this world lost Timmy.

~danban

dedication or idoicy......you choose

yesterday was one of those days no one can plan for but i like to think i handled myself well......

starts with me working on a very high maintenance client who wants to hear back on any issues/concerns/questions/thoughts back immediately and thinks the world is crumbling if he doesn't. you know the type who thinks your sitting at your desk awaiting his every remark and is pissed when he thinks you're not paying enough attention to him. i'll take that as a good enough picture painted.

just before 10:30 one of the bosses and the high maintenance/self-important/holier-than-thou developer walk in and i sink in my chair. first thing spoken is me blurting "whatever it is, i promise i didn't do it!!" they both laugh and the boss asks if i can put aside what i'm working on to help the dev for 2 hours. i am floored - the golden boy needs assistance from a lowly pa?! has the world ended?? are we in hell and is it time for a snowball fight?!?!?! no, he's just a lazy ass who doesn't want to do this remedial task - yay me.

i agree to do the few hours work (cause i'm not going to say no to the boss) and find out that i'm building a new environment, upgrading it, upgrading sql to '08 which none of us have successfully used, restoring an environment all to get one file for a VERY high profile client. yay - plenty of potential for disaster here and i am NOT giddy to get started. so of course i move immediately into action and start with the new environment.

all goes well until i reach the time to restore the backed up environment. ummmmmmm - what do you mean one of the databases is restoring to 17GB?!?! my entire image is only 20!!!! fuck - where are we going to find that kind of space?? and how large are the other three backups???

so i end up wiping out my personal external drive, re-formatting it, and start the process of creating 100GB new drive. this apparently takes 2 1/2 hours which at the time i was blissfully unaware of. all i know is that i need to leave in a half hour to exchange the loaner car for my baby that's in the shop at the moment.

figuring i had enough battery power to get me through this escapade i leave for escondido with the disc still creating away in my passenger seat. talk about the worst traffic day since i've moved to cali. it took an hour to get from my office to the shop at which point my laptop battery is down to 25 minutes remaining and i've got a quarter of the damn disc left to create! fuck! this is a drive that should take half that time at most. plus i'm getting constantly ping'd for updates from a PM who is very high strung.

i switch cars out and am headed out to ramona from there and figure i can get it done in 20 mins no problem!! oh i was SO wrong and of course hit every light between the dealership and the main stretch of the 78 that gets to ramona. so now i'm panicking and need to find anyplace to plug the damn thing in so it doesn't die and i don't lose 2 hours of work.

i call a co-worker who lives really close to the local i currently am sitting and she cannot figure out where the hell i am though knows i'm close. this doesn't help as i now have 7 minutes to plug in the laptop or lose it all and start over.

in sheer desperation i pull into a dirt driveway leading up to a barn where people are outside sitting on horses and beg to plug my laptop in for the remaining 10-15 mins i need to finish creating this cursed disc. they politely look at me like i'd done lost my mind yet graciously agree that i can plug the piece of crap in so the job will finish.

my co-worker tracks me down and we patiently pet the ponies while waiting for my laptop to finish. ridiculous but true and no, you can't make this shit up.

so was it sheer dedication to my job that drove me to a barn to beg for electricity or complete idiocy that keeps me that devoted to a machine??

~danban

clarity? perhaps......

it's been an odd couple of weeks with some interesting thoughts.....

i was riding 60 miles this past saturday with my original mentor and we pushed each other throughout the entire ride and had an amazing time. our pace was strong, our cadence good, and overall our time was surprisingly fast. and it hit me during this ride that i FINALLY remember why this is fun! i also realized that 112 miles isn't really going to be insurmountable and i could see myself on race day in new zealand and was smiling at this thought. now, my legs and lungs would argue this story with about 10 miles left on our ride! i think that having these thoughts/realizations though is a milestone in my return. i feel stronger than i have in a very long time and though the hills are more of a challenge then they've been in the past, the distance is still there......and the stubbornness that only a Banister could display at moments such as these!

a similar thought occurred to me on sunday when i ran 90 minutes in the encinitas area. for the first time in longer than i could recall, the run was actually fun! now, it turns out that i didn't have as strong of a workout as saturday but i didn't know it when i was out on the road. it was just me, thoughts of 26.2 miles, and my shuffle. my stride felt good and strong. i didn't feel terrible (which has marked my last handful of runs) and my knees didn't ache....much. the sunshining down on me was just enough to make it the perfect day for a long run. and i found that i actually enjoyed at least the first 75 minutes and could see that translating into my marathon. i could actually picture myself on race day with that pace (though knowing the results of that day, i know it'll be faster on race day) and that comfortable feeling of just the right stride.

moments like these are what compell me to push to what my coach knows i can do and what i'm realizing that my body will do when i tell it to. and days like i've had in the past few weeks are my way of telling myself that i WILL be an Ironman......there is no doubt left.

that's not to say that i may not be singing a different tune this coming saturday after 80 miles but let's keep our minds occupied with more positive thoughts! Vineman here i come!!!!

~danban

i heart master swim!

seriously, i've found a strange affinity over the last two days (well, and last week) for my master swim! the people there are great, the workouts are challenging, the coaches know their schtuff, and i feel fantastic when the workout is done!

i was nervous starting a master swim back up after not really training much over the last 3 months. i got in and started up and granted, i'm not the fastest but i'm actually not the slowest either! in fact, both coaches have said that they've seen an improvement from where i was with them last year! how could THAT be true?!?! possibly good tri coaching?? i think SO!!!

regardless, i'm having fun out there with this mis-matched crew of dolphins!

just thought i'd share :0)
~danban

not a terrible start

sunday i went on my first long ride back from knee issues and i'm actually pretty proud of my legs! took the train up to capistrano and rode down to solana with LOTS of wind along the way. we'd planned bail out strategies considering how terribly my legs felt the week before on the strand. turns out we didn't need a bail out (though i would've argued that around leucadia when i felt like getting off the bike and walking back to the car).

i kept a decent pace and we stopped twice for nutrition. yes, i know you shouldn't actually stop for nutrition but in all honesty it was partially to give my legs a bit of a rest and a stretch. my nutrition was actually fairly good considering it's been a while since i've had to put it to the test. my breakfast could've been better but the nutrition on the bike seemed right to me.

i was surprised to find that most of my base is there though i've slowed a bit. the thing that's missing is my ability to climb anything....hill....slight incline....bump.....anything! that was a serious bummer but i'm told it will come back with a bit of time.

50 miles + lots of wind + 3hrs 15 mins = happy danban