struggling

i know that we're doing this weight loss, diet, exercise thing in the smartest of possible ways yet i can't help but feel down about the lack of results occasionally.  unfortunately today is one of those days.  my bad mood was immediately caused by someone mentioning to someone else that they've lost weight and look good.  i'm sitting in the same room.  i've been trying my hardest to lose weight yet it obviously doesn't seem to show the same results and i go unnoticed yet again.  i can't help but get upset.  makes me feel so seriously large yet insignificant.  yet i know there's no way i could do the same things that she did to lose the weight.  no marathon training and cleanses are in my future.  instead just a focus on eating healthy, getting in our workouts, getting in as many walks as possible, and it just doesn't seem to be doing anything at the moment. intellectually, i know that muscle weighs more thus the scale somewhat lies; however, that doesn't change that i feel like a beached whale especially today after hearing that said to someone else in front of me.  today, i feel defeated.  tomorrow, is another day and let's hope it's better than today.

it doesn't help that i'm headed on a trip with friends who are all much smaller than myself and we're giong wine tasting which doesn't fit into my diet.  i hate that this causes me stress and that i have to seriously stop and think about every damn thing that goes into my mouth.  this seems like such a sad way to live sometimes and hate that this is such a struggle for me.  i know that i'm going to need to get in a few workouts while there just to maintain the small amount of weight loss i've achieved so far.  which also saddens me cause i can't just relax with these people and enjoy myself.  my biggest fear is the pool and having to be in a baithing suit.  wish i could just look forward to this trip instead of viewing it with dread.

when we return from this last vacation before the DR trip, i think i'm going to start bringing my running shoes and go for jogs at lunch.  i know i'll be sweaty when i return from lunch but i already am when i return from our 2 mile walks.  i have to figure out something else to help kick start the weight loss.  that and more regular kickboxing classes i know will help.

intellectually, i know that this is a lengthy process and a life change more than just a fad diet or week long cleanse so i won't see results right away.  doesn't stop the fact that i'm frustrated and upset with myself for not having achieved more fitness wise.  just a tough day today .....

~danban

keepin on

time for my weekly check in!

i tried on that beautiful dress i mentioned last night.  turns out that it's a size or two smaller than i originally thought it was so realize now that it may be a dress for a different weekend.  i'm ok with that though as i was much closer to being able to fit into it!  and i haven't yet weighed myself as i wanted to wait until friday so here's hoping the awareness of what i'm eating and drinking coupled with the increased exercise is getting me ever closer to my goals!

we are headed to a wedding this weekend and have already begun strategizing to ensure we don't go way overboard.  it is nice that our friends are doing a bike ride the day after instead of a brunch so that helps with our healthy kick!  i'm hoping we can get in some walks while there even though we won't be motivatd by needing to get the dogs out to their bathroom breaks.

i really do think that we're getting better in our thought process and changing our lifestyle instead of just a trendy diet!  i'm excited and nervous about friday but no matter what, i'm going to keep on this path as i know that our health is just too important to ignore any longer.

i'm seriously excited about this weekend and i'm intrigued to see what kinds of decisions we make in order to reach our goals!

all for now!
~danban

motivation........i gots it!

we're exactly 8 months and 1 day from "w" day and i am determined that i will be at least 50lbs lighter!  sometimes i feel like i've let my back issues be a crutch and excuse for why i haven't been able to get off my butt but NO MORE!  motivation is kicking down my door and i couldn't be happier about that!

i've been a roller coaster of emotions about weight and health in general for myself and Ryan.  i'm almost at the heaviest i've ever been and i'm embarrassed by it.  i'm not comfortable in my own clothes and i hate getting my picture taken.  we have a few months left until our engagement photos should be taken and damn it, i wanna look GOOD!  i read a blog today that describes a lot of what i've been thinking and feeling and i'm motivated also by the fact that the seemingly small changes and a decent exercise program on a daily basis will get us there.  it's NOT unattainable and i can get through at least 50 of the 60 i'd like to see gone for good!

so, time to come clean even though i hate this part.  the only way to hold myself accountable and to have others help with the journey is to just speak it out loud (or post on blog - whatever works!).
current weight: 193lbs
goal weight: 135lbs
current size: 16/18 pants, L/XL shirts
goal size: 8 pants, M shirts

i'm ready for no more double chin and chubby cheek pictures!  i'm ready to feel comfortable in clothes that aren't dark or black.  it's time to live in color and be comfortable in my own skin again.  i'm going to post before and after pictures but i think i'm gonna give myself a month or two to really be able to see the results.  i think a goal of 2 to 2 1/2lbs a week and 10lbs a month is not unreasonable and is a healthy way to achieve that goal.

tonight we're going to go full steam onward with the "you are your own gym" plan as well as long walks with the dogs.  we're getting swim stuff and going to swim and bike on the weekends for extra exercise.  starting in August, we'll add in at least one boxing class a week.  and the 2 mile walks with a friend during lunch are a huge help! NO EXCUSES!

i will update this blog at least once a week with progress and eventually the progress pictures too!
stay tuned....... :)

~danban

i am my own gym = ouch....in a good way

we started a new regimen this week and ouch!  we're working through a book called you are your own gym and the program seems simple but wow is it ever effective!  the plan is to work though that for a few weeks with rides or hikes or something on the weekends. then we'll begin to pepper in more regular boxing classes as we strengthen in the own gym workouts.  so far, we're doing well and going strong and the soreness isn't overwhelming as it has been with other exercise programs we've attempted.

i'm seriously finding my motivation again and am excited to see the results!  watch out Dominican Republic, we're gonna own that beach!  ok well maybe not own but at least not be as embarrassed to be seen in suits on the beach :)

more soon!
~danban

goal set!

we've set a small but reasonable goal for weight loss by the end of July :)  for me, we'll say 10-15lbs and to fit into this beautiful dress i bought forever ago that i WILL wear to the Craigan wedding July 28th!  i've been doing 2 mile walks at lunch with a colleague, we've been doing at least that at night with the boys, we're doing more beach crusing and will most likely graduate to our big kid bikes again soon, i'm going running on Wed, and we're going to a boxing or kickboxing class this week!  the goal IS attainable and i WILL meet it!

we'll just have to ensure that we don't go too crazy over the 4th of July weekend up in Paso and set ourselves back a notch or three as we tend to do on vacations.  i think we can get by with a little help from our friends (Benjamin?!?!)!!

hope you are all well out there!
~danban

with all the big stuff out of the way

it's time to really get down to focusing on exercise!  we've now got "The Dress" and the photographer all wrapped up which means fittings and engagement photos..........which means motivation to kick exercise up another notch!  don't want to look like a beached whale in the engagement pics or eventual wedding day pics!

so, we're going to go to bare minimum one boxing or kickboxing class a week, do at least two 2 mile evening walk with the dogs, attempt to get back on our bikes and if not we'll beach cruise, go hiking or walking on a trail on the weekends, play kinect until we're sweaty, and lots of other options we've got schemed up to get our butts back into shape!  And as an added bonus, a friend has been and will continue to do walks with me during lunch so that if nothing else, I get in a half hour up and down a hill during the day!

we've gotten better about bringing lunches instead of buying them and having some sort of breakfast whether it's a bar or a shake or something we've prepared for the week.  we're doing way better on dinners and starting to reign back the booze again.  overall, we're exercising more and going in a good direction with food so i'm optimistic that by the time we're supposed to go to DR for our friend's wedding, we'll be in the kind of shape where we won't mind being pictured!

all kinds of good stuffs going on :)
more soon!
~danban

well, that seems counter intuitive

i've been in PT for just over a month now and am frankly disappointed.  i'm doing the same stretches every day (no, not exercises but stretches).  i am willing to put in the time and do what i'm told; however, i'm not thrilled with the results or the re-eval i had on wednesday.  i was told that since they don't know what is causing my flare ups that i should stop exercising at all.  no long dog walks (if dog walks at all), no boxing, no hiking, no nothing.  ummmmmm, excuse me??  how am i supposed to get and stay healthy if i am not allowed to do any exercise at all??  plus you people told me that i would see improvements within the first three weeks and i'm still not seeing much of anything and you know that yet still put me in phase 2 with NO EXERCISE!!  WTF PEOPLE?!?!?!

to say i'm frustrated is an understatement to say the least!  we've been better and better on the paleo diet and are even going to make our own coconut flower tortillas this weekend and yet the one thing i'm lacking at the moment is the very thing that i'm not supposed to do at all.  are you kidding me?!  how the hell am i supposed to get fit and trim for my wedding gown if i have to sit at home and try not to move.  this seems ridiculous to me.  up til now i've been willing to do the whole process just as they recommend but this seems out of logical explanation other than they can't figure out how to fix it so it must somehow be something i'm doing.  hey guess what people, maybe the results from the ER were actually not BS!  how bout that??

i won't lie, a hike is going to happen with the boys this weekend.  i need the fresh air and i need the exercise to not become a completely depressed disaster of a woman.  there are things i'm willing to change and accommodate but to tell me that i can't even walk the dogs is ludicrous.

thanks for listning to the rant and know that it's just frustration at the situation.  obviously i have no control over when my back is going to freak the hell out and that definitely contributes.  i wish there was a magic fix it but unfortunately there isn't.  at least the diet is going well and ryan got great news that his cholesterol and blood pressure are down :)  in other great news, i bought "the shoes" so the wedding stuff is still moving along!  there are obviously going to be good days and bad and the frustration just stems from more bad than good on the fitness front.  the rest of life keeps lifing and we're still relatively healthy and very happy people.  it will be a good weekend and i'm excited for the sunshine to share with my boys.

hope you have a good weekend too!
~danban