the first of many

race mornin is the most unnerving and momentous occasion any triathlete can go through and mine was no exception. let's go back to the night before ........ the night before my first half iron was all a bustle of what do i need to get my race together? do i have everything for T1? do i have everything in my bike bag just in case? do i have my race number? have i lost my sanity?? (that would be a HUGE yes) do i have my race-day support?? (and that would be HELLZ YEAH!!!!) throw all of the gear on the towl and mentally walk through the whole race day. it's now time to shut down the chaos and step-by-step, moment-by-moment race the race with total clarity in my head.

i'm in the water waiting for the BANG and treading water. getting a bit of a warm up and anticipating the start. BAM it's time. stroke by stroke i focus on long, lean arms to cut the water and propel me toward that T1. eventually the turn around and off toward those oak barrels which mark the beginning of T1. wetsuit off, goggles and cap off, shoes on, helmet on, sunglasses on, race belt with number on, grab the bike and GO! on the bike and really spin the wheels to get the legs a pumpin. relax through the bike and have fun on the rollers. spinnin at the end of the bike and preppin for T2. hit T2 and rack the bike, helmet off and hat on, shoes off and runnin shoes on, grab the bottle from the thermos and off i go! hit the run at a nice slow pace. easin into it and speeding up. cruise through the run and find my support as i sail toward the finish! seems easy right?? right........

so here's how it REALLY went down:

PRE-RACE
wake up at 2:30 in the am. that's right, the worst has happened and i've got race jitters. i can hardly lay still so as to not wake up sandra. (yes, pervs i slept in the same bed as another female triathlete - heaven for some boyz to consider i'm sure) from there, it's fitful rest of waking up and wondering if i have everything or if i've slept in too much or if i'm gonna really make it through all 70.3 miles!!!! 4am rolls around and tina is up and bustling around the cabin. she has the earliest start so is getting her breakfast in before hitting the opening of T1 at 5:30. laying there i'm thinking that i NEED to get up cause i have to be sleeping too late. i attempted to get my head to rest and get more rest as much as possible. eventually the alarm went off and it was time for breakfast. made my standard race-mornin breakfast of wheat bagle, peanut butter, and slices of banana. i was so flipped out and nervous that i only managed to choke down three quarters of my breakfast with a cup o coffee (not the best practice but it's mine so mind your own business!). got dressed in my brown tri top and shorts and got my race chip on my ankle. i'm ready at this point......i mean physically ready but far from mentally prepared. i am beyond freaked out and am attempting to calm myself with NO avail. head down to the transition area and calm a bit when i see katie b and bri there with the cameras and HUGE grins on their faces. katie b is more excited about this than i am!! that's when i realized this is only going to happen ONCE. i'm only going to have my first half iron once and i'd better start enjoying it! shift and hello T1. got everything as it should be and walked down to see Tina head out. i'm glad i got to see so many of my friends start out on their races and it's coming up to be mine and sandra's turn. BRING IT! :0)

SWIM
give our final hugs and take our final pics and we hit the water. it was awesome to be floating amongst such a powerful group of women. ridiculously motivated women. very kind and anxious women. the bang goes off and we start swimming. i get a few bumps and do a bit of drafting and find myself drifting off to the right toward the outside of the pack as i often do. i attempt to keep myself within the group and draft as much as possible but end up back on the outside. the problem with being on the outside to the right is that i'm going into the current all on my own, struggling on my own and it's just not necessary. the good news to me is that i'm right next to sandra! it's surprising to me cause i expected her to be way ahead of me since she predicted 3 mins faster than myself. COOL!

so i keep on truckin, attempt to keep my strokes long and well paced, and feel pretty good til the turn around. decided to stand a bit (yes, it's that shallow) and see sandra standing ahead of me a bit. just wanted to catch my breath a tiny bit and stretch a tiny bit then dove back in and headed out. was a bit gassed and arms were burning toward the bridges. was pushing a bit too much and didn't want to wear myself out but wasn't at all happy that i saw two other colors of caps passing me! hit the rocks, then the carpet, and run on through the oak barrels toward the T1. Goggles on my forehead and it's on!

T1
the most frustrating thing about this is shoving all my shit into my tri bag. i haven't had to do this before and i found that it distracted me! i get the wetsuit off and shove it into the bag. rinse off my feet and throw them into the shoes. grab my helmet and decide against the sunglasses cause it's still really overcast and did i fail to mention FREEZING!!!! (p.s. i am NOT prepared for a cold race) grabbed my race belt and shoved my T1 towel into my bag. grab my beautiful orange guru and i'm off and running. about the time i'm running up the tiny intro hill when i realize i only really strapped on one shoe!! i pause and strap on the other, blow out a HUGE breath, and clomp up the rest of the hill in my bike shoes. i cannot tell you enough how much it meant to have katie b and bri SCREAMING praises and confidence as i'm heading toward the hill.

BIKE
make it to the top of the hill and hop on the guru. i start in an easy easy easy gear to spin my legs warm. i wish it could've been as easy as it sounds. my legs, my feet, my nose, my toes, my fingers, my ....... everything was cold. i moved my toes around as much as possible to get some blood flowing and attempt to get some feeling into them with absolutely NO luck. starting off, there was a rather large group of us heading out. i am riding next to this chatty guy and mentioned to him how much i was unprepared for a freezing race. i mean c'mon - it's supposed to be 95 not 65!!!! i'm feeling slow but keeping my legs pumping as people are passing me left and right. i'm not so concerned about that as my non-existent toes. another major concern is the fact that there is no shoulder and i mean sometimes there isn't even a white line where the road ends!! i'm in the first 5 miles of the ride and i notice this maroon car that seems to be weaving behind a truck as if he's trying to figure out why everyone is driving so slowly. ummm helloooooo dumbass! there's an effing RACE on!!!! right in front of me he sharply swerves into a parking long and nearly clipped me! i am beyond furiated and SCREAMED something to the effect of "watch the fuck out douche bag!!!!!!!" ok fine i'm over it and keep on pumping. i am not going to let some no-brained idiot ruin this for me. i stopped once very briefly to stretch as my legs were still freezing then get on the guru and find my rhythm. this was the best part of my bike. i'm pumping yet not straining. i'm keeping a decent pace and passing a person here or there. i'm woman enough to admit that i'm not thrilled that so many 50 something men are passing me but whatever i'm racing my race the way i wanna race it and THAT is what counts!

and then it happens. i'm feeling too much under my butt. the bumps are too bumpy. and i realize that i have a flat. damn! ok no biggie i get off and start changing it and it really doesn't take long. i have a ton of support from the passing cyclists and feel encouraged that it's not taking me terribly long! i'm back on my guru in no time and off again! i hit up the people who just passed me and say hey as i'm passing those who offered assistance. cruising along and BAM another flat. DOUBLE DAMN!!!! not 10 minutes have passed and i am disheartened. more like crushed actually. i have no other backup after this. this second flat is the last flat as far as i'm concerned. and actually i'm not even sure that i'm gonna make it time wise. all the people i just passed are now passing me with pity and sorrow in their eyes with support coming out of their mouths and i so badly wanted to tell them all to just pass this train wreck in progress and leave me the hell alone even though i KNOW they mean well. i'm feeling like i'm WAY behind on time and going to have to race the clock without much luck of making the cut. ok - it's going to be ok. and then i see him. paul has caught me and i know that i'm in trouble of not making it. i've got my tire off and felt a staple on the inside of the rim. i pull it out with my teeth and shove the tire back on and a tube in it. i am chatting with paul and thinking that too much time has passed. he's such a sweetie for stopping to see how i was doing and if i needed help. he took the time out of his race and wanted to check on me. what a wonderful man! so we used his hand pump and pumped up the tire and we were both off.

keeping a decent pace i felt ok. the clouds had just broken when we started up again and my legs were slightly cold but i still felt ok. kept my legs a pumpin and attempted to warm them up again. i passed this girl in a pink top a couple of times and she'd also had two flats but was way beyond upset. i felt better that i'd kept such a positive attitude and wasn't willing to just let it go cause i'd had a bad day. so what, this is IT. there isn't a second shot at this. this is all i've got for a first half iron. fuck it!!!!

i hit the incline before the big chalk hill incline and it seriously wasn't bad which served as a motivator to just keep it up! i hit the big chalk hill which for those of you who live in the sd area, it's shorter but steeper than torrey pines. i kept chanting "couser canyon. couser canyon. couser canyon. couser canyon......." and made it without issue. it felt good! i kept on truckin and almost missed one of my turns!! i saw the chalk (there was no volunteer) and made the turn a little sharp and beyond where i should have but still made it. i have to admit, denden would be proud cause on chalk hill rd i actually considered the bike bathroom option. i mean to the point where i was watching for other riders and drivers cause if no one had been around, i would've gone! alas, i was never alone so i held it in til the run. this part of the bike was very surreal. taking in the scenery and the absolute beauty of the place was extraordinarily awe inspiring. i felt Tim with me and shed a few tears of gratitude. out there on what was mostly my own, i felt what it could be like to face my first ironman and felt a little surprised that those thoughts had entered my brain at all! it was a wonderful time for me and i'm glad i got to experience that on my own terms and with more determination than i realized was in my bones.

the only other issue that i nearly hit along the bike was this total jack hole who disregarded a cop on the street who was screaming at him to stop. the dude just didn't pay attention and almost hit the cop and me! where do these people come from and how can we slap the shit out of them to get them to pay attention?!?!?!! anyway, i hit the home stretch and there's katie b screaming her head off! i felt terrible that i didn't smile more but was concentrating on my T2 and really hit it. it was phenomenal to see her there on the corner yelling and i could see the relief in her eyes that i'd made it. i know she could tell i'd had a difficult ride and was feelin a little disappointed in myself. i knew i had to shake it off and keep on movin if i were to finish so move is what i did!

T2
ran my guru in and found my stuff easily. bike racked and helmet off. wish i'd decided differently about the sunglasses but oh well! threw on my hat and hit up some burts bees chapstick. (p.s. i'm a chapstick-o-holic) was standing to put on my first sock and barely touched my foot down when i realized that there were effing burrs on the ground that had just made it onto my sock!! so i sat down and picked them out of my sock before sticking on my shoe. by the time i stood up and grabbed my bottle out of my thermos, i realized i had burrs all over my butt!!! i knew that wouldn't be comfortable on the run so i took a few secs to attempt to get 'em off before hitting the road.

RUN
started off slowly as my legs were feelin funky from being so cold then eventually heating up and my left ankle was aching something terrible (i think from the timing chip being on too tightly). also, i was waiting for the tingling in my now functioning toes to stop before i really hit my pace. the search for the bathroom begins! i seriously HAD to go and hadn't noticed that there were bathrooms in T2 so i'm searching and asking and not finding! i held on til the first aide station which happened to be my TNT'ers!! after relieving myself, i stopped briefly to stretch and found that it was almost a seriously critical mistake. i went to stretch my quad and my hamstring totally cramped up and was threatening to not ease up. i was slightly panic'd but stretched my calves out in an attempt to hit my hamstrings as well. i eased back into my run and started to feel good......really good! at this point i have no idea how my legs are doing what they're doing! i mean they're pumping without me telling them to. they're making good time and i can't even feel them moving! i had a few cheers from the peeps i saw on the bike that passed me for the second flat with vows of sympathy now changing their tunes cause i was sailing! all i know is that it had to be Tim with me. he had to be pushing my legs and giving me strength. i could not have sailed through the challenge of a half marathon at the end of the race without his love shining down on me. i was throwing out cheers to others as i passed them and saw my friends along the way. sandra promising beers at the finish line and throwing lots of love my way which i would need later on the run. i hit the turn around after seeing tina and was amazed by the beauty of the whole scene.

i'd made a deal with myself that i would only walk the uphills and it ended up being a deal i'd have to hold myself to. i hit one major uphill when i'd seen sandra and this was when i'd made the deal. the deal was painful at the end but it kept me on a decent pace. i felt absolutely terrible around miles 8-10 and was afraid at some points that i was going to be sick all over the side of the road! my stomach was seriously cramping and felt terrible. i felt starving and nauseated at the same time. i slowed my pace and attempted to right my stomach. i just kept thinking of a song by regina spektor and kept my mind focused on what lay ahead of me and how short a distance i had remaining. i won't lie in saying that it was a struggle. a serious struggle. but the last two miles there were no remaining hills and i wasn't about to walk. i ran and as i ran i increased pace as i felt Tim with me again. i found katie b as she was running and screaming at me with love and pride in her eyes!! she ran with me for a while and her strength and love carried me for at least a quarter of a mile while she was with me. i handed off my bottle to her and picked up my pace. i ran into what was essentially an empty crowd with only an old '06 lavaman teammate to recognize my name or my face. it was a little disappointing but i was SO amazed and relieved that i'd finished in a decent time and was retardedly proud of myself. i struggled to walk to water and toward sandra. and it was worth it folks. all worth it. i wouldn't change this experience and this race for anything in the world. the memories and the knowledge of this race and the determination and stubbornness behind it are priceless.

POST RACE
it was a whirl wind of hugs and you did a kick ass job and you need food and let's get our stuff and and and and it was nutz!!!! i'm still just shocked and thrilled that i made it. i seriously did earn my v-man schwag!! i had my moments of doubt and i had my tears. i had my moments of there's no way i cannot finish this and my many moments of plastered on your face ear-to-ear annoying grinning. i could not have done this without Tim's wind beneath my wings and his love shining down on me from the heavens. i could not have done this without katie b's overwhelming love, support, admiration, poking, prodding, and understanding. i could not have done this without bri's endless patience, humor, and generosity. i could not have done this without trouble keeping me grounded in reality and his admiration for doing what seems wreckless and idiotic. i could not have done this without cindy and her constant push to train and to get up before the ass crack of dawn! i could not have done this without so many people i hold near and dear to my heart and i thank you all. most importantly i could not have done this without a clear intention and knowledge of myself and the fact that no matter what i throw in my own path, i do it because i know that i can overcome it all. this is only the first of my many half iron's to come. if you're still reading this, thank you too!

much much much much love,
~danban